My assignment this week for my current grad class is to create a collage representing my past and present as a reader and writer. I wrote a little essay to go on the collage about the first book I read by myself and thought I'd share it here.

I remember quite clearly the day I read my first book. We’d been learning to read in school, and I loved it, but had never read a whole story all the way through. I was just too lazy; I got bored easily. My ENFP personality was shining through at an early age. I knew I had conquered reading, so why finish a whole book once I knew that I had the ability to read it? But this day, I knew something momentous was going to happen. I carefully considered my options and decided on a Dr. Suess book. I grabbed Green Eggs and Ham and The Cat in the Hat and sat down to read. I remember reasoning that they were easy books, so I’d get through them quickly without any problems. After all, the purpose of this wasn’t to read for fun; it was to be able to proclaim that I’d read a whole, entire book all by myself. Also, I remember thinking that reading Dr. Suess books was something you were supposed to do. When people asked, I could proudly say that the first book I read was a Dr. Suess book, and that there would be a sense of rightness to that. I was going the Dr. Suess route because I knew that those books were written for beginning readers, not because I was actually interested.

I only got a few pages into Green Eggs and Ham before sighing in frustration and tossing the book aside. It was so boring and tedious! All those stupid rhyming words. It seemed so babyish. I had the same problem with The Cat in the Hat. What was I going to do?

I picked up Ernie’s Big Mess. I was not as confident in my ability to read this, but I LOVED Ernie. And the idea of his messy room was something I could relate to. Once I made that text-to-self connection, I knew this was going to be my first book. I couldn’t wait to see how Bert reacted to Ernie’s mess.

So I opened the book and began to read. And it was magic. The words just flowed from my mouth. The words I had been afraid of encountering actually weren’t hard at all; somehow, my brain just knew what they were. I didn’t feel like I was being patronized, the way I had with Dr. Suess. The story was hilarious; I couldn’t put the book down.

When I finished reading it to myself, I found my mom and read it to her. She congratulated me and said she was proud, but I was slightly disgruntled because I didn’t think she realized what a big deal this was to me. However, if she didn’t display the proper amount of enthusiasm, she did the next best thing- she supported me and encouraged me to keep reading. After that first book, I was insatiable. She took me to the library the next day and we brought home several bags of books. I still remember devouring Make Way for Ducklings and being embarrassed because she had to correct me when I pronounced the word island “is-land.”

Since reading Ernie’s Big Mess, I haven’t been able to stop reading. It’s not only one of my favorite things to do, it’s an addiction. I’m so grateful to Ernie and my mom for showing me the joy of reading.

P.S. I came across an awesome website, www.firstbook.org, on which you can share the first book that made you fall in love with reading. They have celebrities on there talking about their favorite books, and you can donate books to under-resourced kids.

"You're not a typical white girl."

Thanks, Michelle.

The context of this comment:

New fourth grade teacher at work (first year out of college) asked me where I live.

"18th and Halsted," I reply.

"What neighborhood is that?"

"Pilsen."

"Isn't Pilsen like, the ghetto?" she says in a slightly incredulous/condescending voice, laughing a little.

"No, actually it's not. But East Pilsen is maybe a little nicer than West Pilsen, and that's where I live."

"Oh, then I must have been thinking of West Pilsen."

"But West Pilsen isn't bad either. I spend a lot of time there. Some people just think it's ghetto because the population is mainly Hispanic."

"Oh... I must have been thinking of another neighborhood."

At least she had the sense to look slightly embarrassed.

I related this exchange to Michelle later, and it was at this time that she made the typical white girl comment. She went on to say that most people, even if they claim not to be racist, still have some race issues deep down. "But you, I don't get that feeling at all from you," she said. "You're not like that."

So that was cool. And Michelle is that same way; race is not an issue to her. On Institute Day, she showed off pictures of her adorable 6-month-old son. One teacher asked what his name was. It is a perfectly nice, normal name, but the teacher's reaction was, "But that's not a black name!" Michelle's comeback was, "No, it's a resume-friendly name."

After work today I had a hair appointment with Jorge. I love the things he does to my hair. By the time I got to Whole Foods to do my grocery shopping, it was rush hour time, so it was very busy. I noticed that most of the people at the South Loop Whole Foods are tattooed hipsters, which seems kind of funny to me because I always perceived it as kind of a yuppie store, and I thought hipsters were supposed to be broke. One tattoo-covered girl in particular looked familiar.

I pulled up to my apartment and starting unloading the bags from my back seat. I noticed that my next door neighbors (who I have never met) were arriving home at the same time on their bikes. They unloaded the baskets and I noticed that they had just been at Whole Foods as well. Another car pulled up across the street, and the familiar-looking tattooed girl got out, also toting paper bags from Whole Foods.

I really wanted to say something, but wasn't sure exactly what to say. I just thought the situation was kind of funny. I used to complain about how everyone in Naperville drives the same car, wears the same clothes, shops at the same places... it looks like the same is true of us here in East Pilsen.

1. We know each other so well; we can be completely comfortable and real with each other, no matter how long it's been since we've seen each other.

2. When I was pregnant freshman year and hot all the time and wanted the windows open in November, Paula would just put on another sweatshirt and not complain at all.

3. She has an amazing capacity for forgiveness.

4. She gave me a card about becoming little old ladies together when we were having a huge argument. She also made me an awesome card with a frog on it that I would scan and display here if it wasn't at my parents' house.

5. She's from Iowa.

6. She is really good with kids and has endless patience (with both kids and adults).

7. She does her best to live a Godly life, but doesn't judge you when you don't.

8. In college, Paula was a morning person and I was not. She would try SO hard to be quiet in the mornings and not wake me up. I would wake up anyway and be extremely grouchy about my sleep being interrupted. But looking back, it was so sweet the way she would try to tiptoe around and not make any noise.

9. She watched me make a lot of mistakes and loved me anyway. We both went through a lot in college; it was not an easy time for either of us.

10. She is funny and practical and perceptive and tells it like it is.

I love her dearly, and I think she is right- we will be old ladies together. Or as together as you can be when you live a few thousand miles away.

It was HUGE. And so close. It looked you could reach out and grab it and eat it. Just like Cookie Monster.



P.S. This song made me cry when I was little. I thought he really ate the moon.

Today was our first day of school. I only had 15 students, which was delightful. Unfortunately, more will come and I'm sure I'll have 27 (our class size limit) in the next few weeks. I have a few comments about this. First of all, why can't parents get their kids there on the first day of school? I understand there may be some confusion and registration issues, but this goes beyond that. Usually what happens is we get a bunch of new kids the day after Labor Day, which is when CPS starts. A lot of parents live in the city and lie about their residency, or just don't pay attention to when school starts in the suburbs. It is so frustrating because if I'm missing half of my class, what can I really do with them? I did a few getting-to-know-you activities today and briefly went over the rules. But I'll have to go over the rules again tomorrow. And Monday. We are not supposed to pass out any textbooks until after Labor Day. But I can't afford to lose that much time. ISATs are at the beginning of March; we have to make every day count. I am going to start teaching on Monday, and if not everyone's there, well, I'll find a way to get them caught up. They will have to do extra work. Because this ISAT stuff is overwhelming. My first year in the district, we needed 55% of our students to meet or exceed standards in order for us to make AYP. We did not make it. Which is really sad, but part of the problem is that by the time I get the kids, they are already so far behind. Even if they make a lot of progress with me, they're still not where they're supposed to be. Last year, our goal was 62.5%. The preliminary results show that we did not make it. (And by the way, why is it that 7 months later, we only have preliminary results? It would be nice to have some actual numbers to work with.) This year, our goal is 70%. Now, if we couldn't get 55% of our kids to pass a few years ago, how on earth are we going to get 70% of our kids to pass? I think our goal should be based on what we did the previous year, not where the state thought we should be. It's just overwhelming. Other than pacing my math lessons with the ISAT in mind, I'm not really doing anything special to try to make this 70% goal. I'm just going to teach the best that I can. Looking at those numbers is really discouraging. And back to the class size issue- I really wish I could just stay at 15 students. I could be an amazing teacher with that class size. But our classes are almost always at capacity, and some teachers go into overflow. It just seems like a really poor idea to have 33 kids in a kindergarten class.

Anyway, sorry for all this ranting. I was going to talk about what a challenge it is to be tough and not smile on the first days of school, but that will have to wait. Or not be talked about at all, except to say that it goes against my nature to act this way and just drains me. I know it will pay off, but it's hard to not express my enthusiasm. Also, it's hard to balance that strict, no-nonsense personality with all the positive things we're supposed to do with PBIS. Maybe one of these years I'll finally find a good balance.

In some non-related news, I highly recommend the PBS show, Carrier. It's about life aboard a Navy aircraft carrier. It's fascinating; you learn about the different jobs people do, and you get to hear people's stories and their opinions about the war in Iraq and patriotism and all that. I watched all 10 hours in just a couple days. After watching this show, I learned that I could never be in the Navy, but I really should be doing more to support our troops.

After a long day of working in my classroom and tutoring, I am exhausted. I spent the evening working on lesson plans and watching an old Doris Day movie. It's not even 11:00, and I'm ready for bed. It's Friday night. I'm so boring.

Nina and Nancy and I had a scrumptious dinner tonight at People, followed by a drink at Salud. On the way home, they reflected on how much life can change in a year, and how much their lives change from year to year. Several years ago, I could have agreed with this statement. But now, I feel like my life doesn't really change. Life is good, it's just the same. Same job, same apartment, same lack of significant other...

Summertime is always exciting because I'm accomplishing goals and doing whatever I want. This was a perfect summer. But during the school year, I am so predictable. Nothing much happens during the week; I'm not the type that can go out on weeknights. I'm usually just busy with work. By Friday night, I'm so exhausted from the week that I usually just watch a movie and go to bed even earlier than I do on weeknights. Saturday morning I do homework, then hang out with my little sister or clean or something else productive. Saturday night I go to DC's. Sunday is usually spent grading papers, doing laundry, or just relaxing. Doesn't this sound incredibly boring? I'm bored just typing it.

I guess the point is that I feel like year after year is slipping by, and not much is changing. I love the life I've built for myself, and it's not like I want something bad to happen just so I can say my life changed. But when I look back over the past two years that I've had this job, things have been almost exactly the same.

I don't really know why I'm whining about this. What is it that I'm hoping for? It's not like I want to lose my job or my apartment or my friends. I said in that survey that my biggest fear is time, and that's true. I just don't want to waste any of my life. But if things are going to change, I know I need to change them myself. And a drastic change isn't really feasible at this point, since I'm in a master's program here for the next two years. I think I need to just get over this and go to bed.

I never used to do these, but it's taking me a while to wake up this morning, and I'm not in the mood to start on stuff for work yet.

1. What time did you get up this morning? 9:30

2. Diamonds or pearls? I heart diamonds.

3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema? The second Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants movie. I knew it'd be awful, because how can you cram three books into one movie? But I love all 4 of those actresses.

4. What is your favorite TV show? Ugly Betty, The Office, Gossip Girl, Jon and Kate Plus 8, A Haunting

5. What do you usually have for breakfast? Toasted bagel with organic peanut butter

6. What is your middle name? Michelle

7.What food do you dislike? Meat. And soup.

8. What is your favorite CD at the moment? Home by the Dixie Chicks

9. What kind of car do you drive? 2007 Silver Saturn Ion with a Love Wins sticker in the back window

10 . Favorite sandwich? The grilled cheese from Bar on Buena- Texas Toast, some really good kind of cheese, and avocado... the avocado is what makes it amazing

12. Favorite item of clothing? Right now I love my white flowy skirt because it's super comfortable and shows off my new tattoo. Oh, and I adore my new cowboy boots.

13. If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation,where would you go? Rio de Janeiro

14. Where would you retire to? I don't know about retiring, but I want to move to Asheville, NC in 2 years when I finish this master's degree

15. What was your most recent memorable birthday? Probably my 18th, which I had to testify about in court several years later

16. Furthest place you are sending this? Pretty far, since it's just on the internet

17. Person you expect to send it back first. Doesn't apply.

18. When is your birthday? March 4

19. Morning person or a night person? I hate waking up early, but I'm most productive first thing in the morning, whenever that may be. Today is kind of an exception.

20. What is your favorite shoe? As previously stated, I love my cowboy boots. My Havaianas are awesome, too. Ooh, and I love all of my Antonio Melani shoes as well.

21. Pets? No

22. Any new and exciting news you'd like to share with us? Not really; I post most exciting stuff here on my blog.

23. What did you want to be when you were little? An archaeologist. I would read about Ancient Rome and Greece, and my uncle would buy me these kits where I'd have to dig in clay for artifacts and then piece them together to make a vase or whatever.

24. How are you today? I'm fabulous because I'm not at work. Yesterday I went to this mind-numbingly boring workshop about phonics. We had to sit on cafeteria benches, and C was sitting nearby, glaring and sending negative energy at me all day. It was unbelievably awful. I really didn't care about the C thing, because I'm not going to let her affect me. She's sad and pathetic and needs help (according to many people in our district, not just me). But there's no way I could sit through another 6 hours of that boring phonics stuff when I already teach a great research-based phonics curriculum. So I didn't go back today. :)

25. What is your favorite flower? Lilacs

26. What is a day on the calendar you are looking forward to? That would have been a better question to ask me earlier this summer. I guess right now I'm looking forward to the 23rd, when Paula comes to visit!

27. What are you listening to right now? Nothing

28. What was the last thing you ate? I had some oatmeal raisin cookies from Trader Joe's for dessert last night

29. Do you wish on stars? All the time

30. If you were a crayon, what color would you be? I don't know... it's too early to be creative

31. How is the weather right now? Cloudy. So sad, since I planned to go to the beach today. I guess it's better that I stay home and work.

32. Last person you spoke to on the phone. Nancy

33. Favorite soft drink? Oh, Diet Coke... I'm so addicted to you....

34. Favorite restaurant? Oh goodness, so many. Orange for brunch, Mana Food Bar, Kopi Cafe, Il Vincinato for authentic Italian, Lou Malnati's for pizza, Pick Me Up Cafe in the middle of the night, Uncommon Ground...

35. Hair Color? Brown

36. What was your favorite toy as a child? Jackie, my Cabbage Patch Kid

37. Summer or Winter? Definitely summer. Although I'm trying to appreciate winter more. I'm going to start making lists of "Things to Do This Winter," just like I do in the summer.

38. Chocolate or Vanilla? Both

39. Coffee or tea? Neither; I go to tea at The Drake and order Diet Coke

40. Do you want your friends to email you back? This isn't an email anymore. But look Katharine, I did respond!

41. When was the last time you cried? Can't remember. I'm not a crier, even when the situation calls for it.

43. What did you do last night? Oh, this is embarrassing! Usually I would have something interesting to say! But after a terrible day at that workshop, followed by 2 hours of tutoring, I came home, made dinner, watched Jon and Kate Plus 8 and Family Guy, worked on some stuff for my classroom, worked on the Twilight collage on my bedroom door, read a few chapters of Pride and Prejudice, and went to bed. So boring.

44. What are you afraid of? Time

45. Salty or sweet? Usually I'm in the mood for sweets, unfortunately

46. How many keys on your key ring? Who cares?

47. How many years at your current job? This will be my 3rd year in the district

48. Favorite day of the week? Saturdays

49. Do you make friends easily? Yes. I love making new friends. This actually gets me in trouble sometimes, because I'm eager to be friends and I ignore the red flags that tell me a person might not be someone I want to associate with.

50. How many people will you send this to? The whole world

51. How many will respond?

52. Do you like finding out all this stuff about your friends? Yes, if I'm in the mood

53. Is life good to you? Yes. Like I said, things are too good. I'm waiting for the pie in the face. But things just keep getting better.

54. What year did you graduate from high school? 2000

55. How many friends from High School do you still talk too? A lot. Nina and Rachel have been my best friends since I was like, 16. I talk to a lot of other people too, thanks to Facebook.

There's this episode in season 5 of Sex and the City where Carrie decides to date the city. I have decided to do just that. Friday night I went to Millenium Park to hear Grieg's Piano Concerto which was amazing. It makes me so happy to lay on my back under all those criss-crossy beams, surrounded by skyscrapers, listening to some of the best music ever written. The pianist also performed Moonlight Sonata, which I had no idea was so involved; apparently I've only heard the watered-down version. After the concert, I walked around barefoot, because the grass in Millenium Park (at least that area) is the best in the city. Then I went and got my feet wet in the fountain, the one with the faces (I forgot what it's called). Instead of taking the el home, I walked the 14 blocks to where my car was parked at Roosevelt and State. The walk went by quickly since I was listening to new music on my iPod, including "Come on Get Higher" by Sugarland (so erotic without being distasteful) and "Build Me Up" by Rhymefest (so catchy; I can't help dancing to this one). It was such a beautiful, perfect night, and I had a delightful time by myself.

I was about to go to bed around midnight when a friend called and had just had her heart broken by this guy who, in my opinion, is a huge jerk. (Sorry, N. But he shouldn't have treated you like that, even if he does apologize later.) So we went out to Skylark (where I really need to learn to dress like a hipster so I'll fit in), and then went to Pick Me Up Cafe for cheese fries. I love that place. And I saw on the menu that they have vegan rice krispy treats- I must go back and try one soon! We watched all the drunk people stumble around after the bars closed, and I realized I do NOT want to be one of those people again. I don't get like that very often, but it was so unattractive.

I was exhausted on Saturday from being out till 4, so all I did was read romance novels and do a bit of planning for my classroom. And nap.

Saturday night was my friend Stephanie's birthday party. We started out at People in Wicker Park. It's a tapas and Sangria place. It was sooooo good- I want to go back really soon! Then we went over to Salud, which everyone raves about, and it was all right. It was a good margarita, but it wasn't anything spectacular. Then we went to Debonair, a place I'm not too fond of. I've been there twice now, and it's just not my scene. Throughout the evening, I'd made friends with Steph's friend, Ali. She was giving me lessons on how to pull off the hipster look so I can fit in in my neighborhood. She's a really cool girl and we had a lot to talk about. I decided to head out kind of early (a little before two), and Ali said she'd get a ride with me back to her place to get some more cash. As we left, I told her how bad I wanted a cigarette (since I haven't been buying any since I'm not a smoker!). We saw some guys she knew across the street, and they gave me a cigarette, and we started talking, and one of them works at People and was telling me how I have great energy and guessed that I was a Pisces, and they were going to the Flat Iron, and they insisted that I stay for just one drink. So I went with them and liked Flat Iron so much better than Debonair. It was not too crowded and not too loud. And like, 5 minutes after we got there, this really cute guy started talking to me. Sadly, he was just visiting from Dallas, but we had a nice conversation.

As I was talking to the nice guy, another guy caught my eye and came over and introduced himself. He turned out to be kind of a creeper. He just wanted to go home with me, and I kept saying, "not tonight." But he was so persistent! He kissed me, and it was like he just stuck his tongue down my throat. Eew. But he wasn't bad looking, and I was just enjoying flirting, so I let him talk to me for a while. Then, when I needed saving, Ali came over and put her arm around me and said we'd been lovers for 4 years. It was great; I think he totally believed us. He left us alone for a while, but eventually came back, and that's when I decided it was time to go.

So I didn't get home till after 5 this morning, and just woke up at 12:30 and feel disgusting. I hate the day after staying out late. I was going to go out to my parents' house and lay out by their pool today, but I don't think that's happening. I'll be lucky if I make it out there in time for my 5:00 plans with my friend Sarah.

Oh, one more thing that's happening- we got our teaching assignments yesterday. Mine is the same, which is a little disappointing. I really want to go to the middle school and just teach one subject. But Michelle, my friend/big sister/coworker says I should spend one more year working on classroom management before I try that. But I'm so sad- one of the sixth grade teachers is on a leave of absence, and my friend Chad (the only male teacher at our school) is being transferred to another school. I don't know about everyone else yet, but I'm not happy with these changes. Lunch time will be completely different. We used to have such a good time, but now 2 out of the 4 of us are gone.

I actually have an idea that I'm considering. Usually, right after school starts, there are still a few postings for positions that need to be filled, and they are usually at the middle school. Maybe I'll apply for one of those. I really want to teach just one subject and be really good at it. And it would be so nice to be on middle school time instead of elementary school. But this is something I'll have to think about more.

I try to read my Bible daily. I go through periods where I read every day, and periods where I don't read for weeks. Unfortunately, the latter is more common. But right now, I'm reading daily, which feels good.

The past few nights I've been reading Psalm 119. There's lots of good stuff in there, like verse 125: "Give me discernment that I may understand your statutes." I think discernment is something I should pray for more often.

But what really stood out to me was all the talk about loving God's commands:
v127: "Because I love your commands more than gold, more than pure gold, and because I consider all your precepts right, I hate every wrong path."
v129: "Your statutes are wonderful; therefore I obey them."
v143: "Trouble and distress have come upon me, but your commands are my delight."

I started to wonder if I really love God's commands. Do I obey them because I love God and delight in what He tells me to do, or do I obey them because they're convenient, or because I think they're the right thing to do anyway? I mean, I think killing (including the death penalty) is wrong, but I would think that regardless of God's view on the topic. So that's a really easy commandment for me to keep.

Or all the stuff about serving the poor? James 1:27 says "Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world." So God wants me to help the helpless. I do this to some extent (not nearly as much as I should, I want to make that clear), but why I am I doing it? Obedience to God's word? Or because I'm a big softy who can't say no and thinks it's the right thing to do?

Here's kind of an opposite example. That verse in James talked about not being polluted by the world. And there are lots of other similar things the Bible tells us to do that are extremely inconvenient, like the things Shane Claiborne does in The Irresistible Revolution. I'm not doing most of those things.

Or when God tells says that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit. Well, if I really think that, I should be taking much better care of myself, right? Working out more, dieting more, taking my vitamins...

I don't want this to turn into me pointing out all my flaws (because goodness knows, that would take a long time). I'm just wondering, do I really delight in God's commandments? I don't think I do. So what can I do to change my attitude to that of the psalmist? I wish I did love God's commands more than gold. I want to get there. I'm just not sure how.

Parker Lynn was born at 4:34 this morning. She weighs 6 lbs, 4 oz and is 19 inches long. She is completely precious. I got to go meet her this morning and fell in love right away. Jen did awesome during the labor- no epidural! Her water broke around midnight, and that's when the contractions starting getting bad. What a quick labor! Ray is so proud of both of them. Parker is so lucky to have them as parents. And I feel so honored to be the Godmother. When I met Parker, I made sure I told her how much God loves her, and that she is His beloved daughter. I will tell her this again when she's awake. :)

There are two tattoos I currently want to get. The first one would be on the outside of my left ankle. Or maybe the inside. It would be the same thing as the ring I've been wearing for the past few years- a small heart that's broken down the middle and bound up. No color or anything tacky.

The second is the Hebrew symbol for grace. I would get this just a little above the inside of my right wrist. I REALLY want this one now. But, as people have said, this is a bold tattoo. I love that spot for a tattoo, but it's true that it's harder to cover up.

I heard about this new kind of ink that is permanent, but can be removed easily with one laser treatment. I thought this would be a good solution to the wrist tattoo, but I've been calling around, and no one has this ink. Should I get it anyway? Or should I get the heart first? I want another tattoo on my body by the end of the week.