My Facebook status currently says that last night ranks among the worst nights of my life. I don't think I'm being melodramatic when I say that. I don't think I'll be forgetting the awfulness of the night any time soon.

The problem is that it came after a day of such complete happiness. Ryan and I had a great time on Friday night, he said all that stuff about "taking it slow," and everyone I mentioned that to said yes, that definitely implies that you're dating. So even though there was no label on what was going on between us, I was happy. Ryan needed to go to the mall yesterday, so we did that together, and then I had to go to my parents' house to practice some music, and he tagged along and met my parents. It was a lovely day and I had a lot of fun. We were both really looking forward to Kris's birthday party at The Spot last night. Ryan kept saying it was going to be a great night, and I agreed.

We took the L there together, and as soon as we got there, we split up, talking to other people. No big deal. But in the 3 hours we were there, he spent probably 20 minutes talking with me. Actually, not even me, but Nina's boyfriend, Adam. It became clear that he was interested in this very pretty girl. All of his attention was on her. I just have to say how much I love Nina and Stephanie. As we were standing there watching him hit on her, Nina started criticizing the girl's earrings (there wasn't much else to criticize, and I even thought the earrings were pretty), and Stephanie said Ryan looks like a chipmunk. What supportive, loyal friends. Kris came over and was sympathetic and said not to worry, the girl he was talking to was harmless and wouldn't be interested in him. But then Kris said that her boyfriend (who is friends with Ryan) asked Ryan what was going on between us, and he said we just came together because we live by each other. So apparently I'm just some girl who lives by him. Hearing that after what happened between us the night before really sucked and made me feel completely awful about myself. I guess I am not pretty enough to actually be dating him; I'm just good enough to mess around with in the privacy of his apartment. I needed to get out of there, so me, Nina, Adam, Stephanie, and Gloria went to a bar down the street.

After several hours of drinking, I wasn't even drunk, just feeling sick. The French martinis that I love so much didn't taste right, and my body just was not in the mood for alcohol. So I really didn't have much to drink. While we were walking to the bar, Ryan texted and wanted to know where we were and how close it was. When I told him, he said he probably wasn't coming (apparently 4 blocks was too far). Adam said I shouldn't have even replied, and he was right.

I had one drink and played some foosball, but I realized that all I wanted was my Tinkerbell pajamas and bed. So I got on the L, and someone had puked all over the floor. Everyone was sitting as far away from it as possible, but of course, it was disgusting. And I had a long ride home. Alone. And then a long walk back to my car, alone.

I got home and fell into bed and was almost asleep when my phone rang. It was my friend's boyfriend, and I heard her crying in the background. I guess they'd had a fight, and he wanted me to come get her. I said yes right away, but as soon as I got up and tried to get dressed, it was like I was just physically incapable. I'd gotten less than 5 hours of sleep the night before, I was kind of drunk, and I wasn't feeling well. I texted and said I couldn't do it, which I felt terrible about. But part of me was angry that he would call me. If he messed things up that badly, he should fix it. I passed out right away, and when I woke up a few hours later, I saw that I'd missed a bunch of calls from him. But the last voicemail said that things were all right, so I went back to sleep feeling better.

So last night was just awful all around. I have lunch plans with a friend, and then I just want to sit on my couch and cry. And write Ryan an angry email saying I will not be making him an apple pie, like I said I would. But of course I won't, because then I'd seem crazy.

I'm going to start stocking up on mittens and scarves. It looks like I will be moving to Alaska.