So I am watching A Haunting, which always scares me so bad. And I have noticed a pattern: bad stuff usually happens to the wife or kids first, and the husband never believes them. Like in this episode, the sink started filling up with blood, and something tried to push the lady's face into the sink. She told her husband and he didn't believe her. Seriously, what a douche. Why would she make that up? And that is not an uncommon response. I would be so pissed if I told my husband something like that and he didn't believe me. I think I'd divorce him. When I start seriously dating someone, I need to remember to ask them if they'd believe me. If not, it's a deal breaker.

This song has been stuck in my head all day. I am so blessed.

I was in a bad accident this morning. I was driving on 94 (not talking on the phone, not messing with my iPod, leaving a safe distance between me and the car in front of me), when suddenly everyone braked. I hit the brakes, not even that hard, but there was black ice and my car skidded all over the place, hit the median, and when I stopped spinning I was facing oncoming traffic. I still don't understand how no one hit me. I thought I was going to die.

My car is pretty messed up and not driveable. So my principal came and picked me up. I almost burst into tears when I saw her; I ran and hugged her. My car was towed and I went to work. I spent a while on the phone trying to figure out what happens next, because it's all so complicated. Then I began my day of teaching.

The kids were pretty happy to see me. When I told them I'd been in an accident and was still there to teach (my principal really wanted to take me to a doctor), they all applauded. But then their behavior was awful. The autistic boy peed all over the bathroom, ripped up all his work, and threw things at people all day. The rest of the class would not be quiet and follow directions, so I had to give them Worksheet Mania.

After work, LaJoya (my coworker) offered to drive me to Enterprise to rent a car. (I couldn't just get a loaner from Saturn because the nearest dealership that does body work is the Saturn in Naperville, and I had no way of getting there. Plus, my car still hasn't been towed out there.) So we get to Enterprise and there's all this drama since I don't have a credit card with $150 on it, and I can't use my debit card because I had to show them bills, and the addresses on my bills don't match the address on my license, which is my parents' address. So finally, LaJoya takes me home with her to Homewood so she could pick up her daughter. We went to another Enterprise and she rented the car for me.

Throughout all this, people have been calling to check on me and offering to help any way they can. Rachel even called from Phoenix as soon as she heard and asked if she could do anything for me. Dave, Sarah, Nina, Rachel, Pete, Michelle, and Ray all offered rides and anything else I needed. Not to mention my parents, who are helping me out with money. I am so lucky to have such amazing people in my life. And these are just the people I called because I thought they might be off work/available. I have no doubt I could've called other friends as well. I'm so thankful for them.

And now I am going to soak in my tub because I'm really sore and relax with a trashy romance novel. I'm so glad to be home.

Sarah once told me that I need a personal assistant. This is probably true, as is evidenced by today's situation. I have almost no clean clothes. This is because of the stupid snow; you wear a pair of pants outside for 10 minutes and they get salt stains all over them. So they're not really that dirty, they just have stains. Although I guess that's the definition of dirty. Anyway, last night I went to bed not knowing what I was going to do today. I can't wear a skirt because all my pantyhose have runs in them. When I woke up this morning, I was so excited to see that it snowed! So I can wear my black dress pants with the salt stains on back because everyone will just assume they are fresh.

I really need to do laundry.

Most of my class behaved well today. I felt like I was able to teach. They even liked the Pablo Neruda poem we talked about today for our poetry unit. But about 45 minutes into the day, my autistic boy started throwing pencils at people and stabbed someone in the face with one. Then at the end of the day, he tipped over two desks. Thank God I'm good friends with the security guard. Oh, and I later found out that while he was in the office, he called 911 and told them the school was on fire.

But I'm doing my best to overcome the stress. Xanax got me through the day. I just got home and moved my furniture and had a little private dance party. I'm breaking out the champagne in a little while, and Pete might come over later. I'm determined to not give into the stress.

I got tagged to write this note on Facebook. I'm copying it here because I want to save it and see if these things are still true a few years from now.

1. I sleep with my kitchen light on sometimes because I watch that show, A Haunting, and it scares me to death.

2. I desperately want to be like Martha Stewart, but I hate cooking and suck at keeping up with cleaning, and my crafts almost always turn out wrong.

3. I collect vintage romance novels.

4. I play pretend a lot in my head. Like the other day, I took my little sister ice skating and pretended I was an Olympic skater. And yesterday, as I was reciting poetry to the class, I pretended I was Anne Shirley.

5. I want to live in Star’s Hollow.

6. I think Disney World is the happiest place in the world.

7. I love to embroider, but I’m bad at choosing colors. My friend has to help me.

8. I heart Barack Obama. Election night was one of the most exciting nights ever.

9. I believe that Love Wins.

10. I rarely cry about real life, but movies make me cry all the time. I hardly ever watch movies that don’t end happily ever after.

11. My main source of news is The Daily Show.

12. If I could go anywhere in the world, it would be Rio de Janeiro.

13. I watch the following tv shows every week: Gossip Girl, Ugly Betty, The Office, and 30 Rock.

14. My current love life situation could be described with the lyrics of the song “I Wanna Die” by Miranda Lambert.

15. I’m doing my master’s in reading, and I honestly find it fascinating to read about comprehension strategies.

16. I love going line dancing in my cowboy boots.

17. I have posters of Rock Hudson and Marlon Brando on my wall. My friend Rachel has the same Rock Hudson poster. We watched Pillow Talk together and thought he was dreamy.

18. I’m a little obsessed with Twilight. I know it’s nerdy, but it’s fun, so who cares?

19. I’m working on joining the DAR (Daughters of the American Revolution). My patriot’s name was Philip Horr. Further down the line, Arthur Horr married Lucy May Luckey, so I’m a Luckey-Horr.

20. My grandma is one of my favorite people. She tells the best stories. Sometimes over and over, now that she’s getting older.

21. I always have a list of things I want to do. I’m rarely bored. I don’t want to waste a single day of my life.

22. My favorite animal is the manatee. I can relate to them.

23. I love the musical RENT. It helped me through some really crazy times in my life. One of my tattoos is a quote from it: Measure your life in love.

24. My friend Sarah describes me as persnickety. I think she’s right.

25. There are so many things I want to do with my life. I love imagining the possibilities, but I’m bad at actually making the decisions. Next year I’m going to finish my master’s, and I have no idea what I want to do.

Wednesday Morning:

Kajuan asks if he can talk to me in the hall for a minute. I tell the class to pass in their homework and Kajuan and I step outside. He shows me the hickey on his neck and tells me he needs to put Vaseline on it every hour. I launch into my now-perfected you're not ready for this you could get a girl pregnant you have all the time in the world ahead of you don't rush things speech (I've been giving it for 3 years now). All of a sudden a bunch of kids in the classroom start screaming and jumping out of their seats. Asia has spilled glitter everywhere, and they're a bunch of little drama queens. I'm about to go yell at everyone to sit down when my autistic student jumps out of his seat with his hands over his ears yelling, "Everyone's fighting!" over and over and runs out of the classroom.

This all happened in the first 10 minutes of school. This is what work is going to be like now.

Today, I. cracked me up again. During math I asked him to tell me what a shape was. His reply: "Cheesecake! Pow!" It was a triangular prism.

I got four new students today. One of them is autistic. He is high functioning, but a behavior nightmare. It's going to be a long four months. Any ideas for stress relief?

Did anyone notice how Aretha Franklin paused at an unfortunate spot in the word "country" and was kind of off-pitch?

I'm so excited. That doesn't begin to describe it. Today I am hopeful and inspired. Obama's quote from Washington at the end of his speech was beautiful. He makes me feel like we really can overcome these obstacles that seem insurmountable. I think we finally have a president who believes that Love Wins.

I am in the midst of a lovely weekend. We have 5 days off- 2 days where school was canceled and MLK day. I am ahead on lesson planning and homework, and my apartment is halfway to being clean. I even spent several hours on my genealogy for the DAR. When we go back on Tuesday, I'll feel like I can breathe again, which is the opposite of last week.

Friday night I had dinner at Lalo's with Nancy and Sarah, which was fun, as always. It was supposed to be a night of bar hopping, but we were too tired for that. When will we learn not to have a huge meal before going to the bars?

Last night I hung out at Jen and Ray's and spent some time with my adorable goddaughter, Parker. She just gets cuter and cuter. She's 5 months now and loves to play, and I'm not scared of breaking her anymore. She's got the most hilarious personality; there is mischief in her eyes. I'm so glad I get to be a part of her life. And when I was leaving, I kissed her goodbye, and she reached for me. Everyone should have babies reaching for them; it's good for your soul.

I don't really have much else to say, but I felt like I should blog since it's been a while. I'm just happy for this downtime.

My kids were nuts today for several reasons: it is a full moon, and someone smuggled Pixie Stix into the classroom. I tried to keep it under control, but I couldn't stop it and they were all on sugar highs all day. Then there was some drama with a boy who somehow just found out he was adopted today, and he told his friend but someone overheard and yelled it out to the whole class. He's pretty upset (understandably). So I'm going to have lunch with him tomorrow and we'll talk about how being adopted means you're "twice loved." (That's what my cousin used to call it when he talked about being adopted.)

One good thing did happen today. I have acquired a new nickname. A lot of my kids call me Miss B, and today Elijah turned that into Miss Honeybee. It caught on, an I love it. Isn't it cute?

I am slowly working myself into a rage. The quickest way to make me mad is interrupt my sleep. My brother and I used to have screaming yelling fights when I lived at home and he'd turn his bass up loud when I was trying to sleep.

Tonight I was really tired and had a bad headache, so I went to bed early, around 10. I fell asleep for a little while and awakened to doors slamming and things crashing around in the apartment downstairs. And then the vacuum started. I would never vacuum at 11:30 on a week night! What is wrong with people? I finally got up to check my email, knowing I wouldn't be able to sleep while that's going on. If it were my old neighbors, I'd go down and say something. But my old neighbors wouldn't do this. They just had their Saturday morning fights, and that was all I heard from them.

What should I do? Say something next time I see them? Go down there right now? (Although there's currently a lull, so maybe they're done.) Make a lot of noise when I get up at 6 tomorrow morning? I guess that wouldn't be very helpful. Satisfying, but not helpful...

by I.M. (one of my students)

Have you ever had sleepless nights? You know, the kind of nights when you can't sleep. Sleepless nights can come any time. Most of the time it happens when you are going somewhere fun or on a vacation. For me, sleepless nights are kind of fun.

Sleepless nights will have you wondering what the next day will be like. Like for boys, if you buy a girl something for Christmas you'll be wondering if she likes it or not. I don't know how the girls' sleepless nights are, but I bet they are pretty weird. Sometimes you have sleepless nights because you stayed up too late, and you can't go to sleep. I mostly have sleepless nights because of who I'm thinking about that whole day.

When you have sleepless nights you try to go to sleep but you just can't. You will just be laying in the bed with your eyes closed but not asleep. Then every five minutes you'll look at the clock. But me, if I have a sleepless night I just write. Just like I'm doing right now.

Some people, if they have a sleepless night, they draw, write, think, or just start reading. Sleepless nights are quiet and peaceful. Sleepless nights come every now and then. But when they come you always have a lot on your mind. If you go to school, you'll have a big test or class on your mind.

My favorite thing to think about on sleepless nights is football. Most people like to think of their favorite thing on sleepless nights. Sleepless nights might have you tired the next day, but you will have more time to write, read, think, or draw. In a couple of hours, your sleepless night will be gone. But when you close your eyes, your alarm goes off.

The End.

Getting a tattoo is one of the best feelings in the world.

When I got home today, I immediately changed out of the skirt, heels, and stockings into a tee shirt and jeans. I thought to myself, "This is the best feeling in the world." Then I started thinking of other things. I polled some friends, too. Here's our list of best feelings in the world:

-Resting your head on the cool side of the pillow (Sarah S.)
-Walking barefoot in the grass at Millenium Park (Me)
-Slipping into a hot bath (Me)
-Walking in the door from being gone on vacation a for a long time (Kris)
-The hug that speaks a thousand words when you find out bad news (Kris)
-Biting the lime after you do a shot of tequila (Me)
-Getting into bed after you've just washed your sheets (Me)
-Waking up in the morning (Pete)
-Warm desert breeze (Rachel)
-Freshly shaven legs (Rachel)
-Your man's freshly shaven face on your cheek (Rachel)
-Jumping into a pool of cool water on a hot day (Nancy)
-Waking up next to someone you love (Nancy)
-Finally getting to pee after you've been holding it for a long time (Rachel)
-Sitting in a hot tub (Nina)
-Holding a puppy or kitten (Nancy)
-Being weightless in water (Christina)
-Putting on something that's just been in the dryer (Kris)
-Getting a facial (Christina)
-Waking up and realizing there's nowhere you have to be (Whitney)

Am I missing anything?

Today it occurred to me that I am a professional bitch. Seriously. I get paid to do it. I spend excessive amounts of time concocting punishments that are bad enough to make my students behave. I delight in making my students miserable, because it means that I've found something I can use to manipulate them into behaving.

Of course, I give lots of rewards, too. And I'm the nicest teacher in the world to the kids who do the right thing. But most of my class just doesn't get it. Whenever our assistant principal sees my class, she starts muttering about how she doesn't like them. And I don't like them either. I guess it's not all their fault, though. When a girl stabs a boy with a scissor and kicks him in the balls and receives no consequences, it sends the message that they can get away with anything.

Disney World this time around was... interesting. Nancy and I originally planned to just spend the day at Epcot. We wanted to go on Soarin' and Test Track and drink our way around the world. We got there as the park opened and joined the stampede for Soarin', which was, as usual, amazing. It is so peaceful and relaxing; I could go on it all day. There's this part where you swoop down over the ocean, and I could have sworn my bare feet were going to get wet. As soon as we got off, we got Fast Passes to go on it again later. After Soarin' we did Test Track, then got margaritas in Mexico to begin our day of drinking. It felt strange to say, "Good morning, I'll have a strawberry margarita please." We had pastries in Norway and went on the Norway ride (which Nancy loves), looked in the shops for a little while, then headed back to Mexico for a lunch we were very excited about. It was here that the day started to go downhill/become interesting. My margarita had just made me very sleepy, so I didn't want to drink anymore. We thought the restaurant inside Mexico was so pretty that we just had to eat there, and the food was terrible and overpriced. I guess you pay for the atmosphere, which was wasted since Nancy and I are not lesbians.

At this point, we decided we were done with everything Epcot had to offer and wanted to visit the Magic Kingdom. After paying $50 to upgrade to Park Hopper passes (in addition to the $75 we spent to get into Epcot), we hopped on the monorail. We had seats, but there were some people that had to stand. Holding the pole right in front of me was a little girl, probably about 7 years old, with tangled blonde hair and lots of gaudy jewelry. A couple minutes into our ride, she hooked her leg around that pole and started dancing. She was seriously doing a stripper routine almost in my lap. Nancy was pretending to look out the window and trying to contain her laughter. I tried to look everywhere but at the girl. I didn't want to laugh because that would encourage the behavior to continue. I'm dying to know- had she seen this somewhere, or was that just instinct kicking in? I can't believe her mom didn't say anything to her. It was just so inappropriate. In complete contrast, there was an adorable little brunette sitting across from us who sat like a little angel. She had obviously visited the Bibbidi Bobbidi Boutique; she was dressed as Cinderella and had her hair in a bun with glitter. I had to tell her when we got off the monorail that she looked just like Cinderella. I wish adults could also visit the Bibbidi Bobbidi Boutique. Wouldn't it be fun if mothers and daughters could dress up like princesses together?

The Magic Kingdom was delightful, as usual. We went on Snow White, Dumbo, Small World, Mickey's Philharmagic, Winnie the Pooh, and Buzz Lightyear. We also went on Peter Pan, which required an hour and a half wait. Nancy looked ready to stab me, and I didn't blame her. What made things worse was the family behind us- there was a little boy about 3 years old who kept grabbing my ass. Also, someone near us had a baby with a dirty diaper. Ugh. But Peter Pan is one of my favorite rides and movies. My mom loves the movie, too. When she was little, she jumped off the top of her basement stairs trying to fly, thinking that all she needed was faith and trust and a little bit of pixie dust. What she ended up with was stitches.

After Buzz Lightyear, we'd just about had our fill of magic for the day. We'd been on some of our favorite rides, and we saw the fireworks (which always make me so happy). All that was left was shopping. I was really excited to go to the big store on Main St. I left Nancy outside for a while as I fought the crowds and ended up with a really cute organic tote bag and a new pin for my lanyard. Nancy met me by the cash register, where we observed a man picking his nose and eating it. What was really disturbing was that he did this while reading a parade schedule for the day. After reading the schedule, he placed it back in the holder on the counter. Ew! We informed the cashier that he might want to throw all those schedules away, but I don't think he wanted to touch them. He rewarded us with stickers, however. Nancy received one for her vigilance (she's the one who spotted the nose picker), and me for going green with my organic bag. When we emerged from the shop, the castle was lit up more beautifully than I'd ever seen it, and it was snowing! I wanted to pause and have a magical moment, but Nancy had been sitting outside getting stepped on for the past half hour, and she'd had enough magic for the day. I guess 14 hours was long enough.

All in all, a lovely day.

I've always been curious about what it would be like to see a psychic, and while I was in Florida, I had the opportunity. This woman came highly recommended, and I could tell right away that she was the real thing. It was a 45 minute reading, and without knowing anything about me, she spent the first 20 minutes talking about my past, present, and future. She didn't ask any questions, just talked. And some of the things she said were things that most people don't know. I know a lot of people don't believe in this kind of thing, or think it's a sin. I'm not sure what I think. If she had a Ouija board and was trying to contact spirits, I would not be excited about it. But I think God gives people all kinds of gifts, and this is one of them. She didn't use cards or anything; she said she just gets images and impressions in her head.

Most of what she talked about was predictions for the coming year. I just listened to the recording she made and took notes. I'll post them here, and it will be fun to see how accurate they are. This is going to be long, so I understand if no one is interested in reading this except for me. But I highly recommend this experience. It's kind of like a therapy session, and it gave me a lot of hope.

• The first thing she saw was me holding something in both hands, trying to decide about something. By late February/early March, a choice will be made, and it will be productive.

• 2008 wasn't so hot; it was okay, but didn't take me where I wanted to go.

• 2009- Year starts off slow but gains momentum and involves skills and talents- expansion, will help me feel more focused on what I really want to do; right now I’m getting by, but haven’t realized fullness of talents and interests; that will happen more this spring

• Training opportunity this spring- will give me direction

  Image for spring was telescope, saw me bringing it into focus, help from a woman- employer/advisor, between 5’4” and 5’5”, short hair to chin, will open doors of opportunity

• Late April/Early May- birthday or anniversary, celebration, short trip, lots of fun

• February- I'll be doing something with my body, reviewing something, no medical concern, maybe something with nutrition- changing, will shift chemicals in my body, will feel better, less lethargic, will have more energy, more productive, benefits will be experienced almost immediately and I'll enjoy it

• Late February- lots of writing, creative imagery in my mind and heart, writing is a good form of expression for me, lots of capability and could do more

• Late June/early July- more satisfying in terms of relationships, I've had a lot of past disappointments, this will be an expansion time for friendships of all kinds

• Summer begins to solidify something romantic, will strengthen a relationship and bring it closer to what I want; I desperately want traditional family and am disappointed that that hasn't materialized; hang on, don’t play beat the clock, as a relationship evolves, be aware of feeling needy vs. participating in the relationship

• She was very aware of the presence of a woman who’s passed away but she couldn’t see her, grandmotherly type, saw cherries- pie, tarts, jam, etc. Loves sweets and made them a lot, not very tall, very dynamic, not petite, knew how to “throw her weight around,” husband was tall

• In the next 2 years- more trips across the water, will be going to British Aisles- someplace I’ll go that is very familiar

• Over the next 6 months, I'll feel better about life- I look cheerful but there's a lot pulling on my emotions, swinging me in and out of depression; I'll feel more focused by spring; summer- balance of finances/awareness of what's ahead, will give me more hope
  

• I have a lot of compassion of a healer, curiosity since I was little, won’t be happy with 9-5 job

• I’m smart but don’t give myself credit for it, as I gain more education I’ll gain more confidence in myself

• Bill/William is a name that has lots of meaning to me, people who have passed on, people in my present life, in July/August look for that name again in someone connected to numbers- maybe finances, that affiliation will be enjoyable

• Late July/ early August- Nice travel, short distance, going with sense of purpose, don’t get overly tired, I’ll ultimately be pleased

• The next 8-10 months will be very nice for me in terms of who I’m meeting- will be meeting more and more people with notoriety or celebrity

• She asked if I am settled in Chicago. I replied that it's complicated. She said there will be no move just yet, July 2009-Spring 2010 is good time for a distance move, don’t move out of fear for what would happen if I didn’t make the move, know what I want to do emotionally when I get where I’m going, have clarity before I make the change, it doesn’t feel like I’m going to stay in Chicago, but I’m not ready to leave this minute

• Late August/September- celebration, small financial increase, I'll use it for special expenditure, don’t spend it before you have it

• The name Sharon will have significance to me- late summer/early fall, tall woman, reddish brown hair, curly, almost shoulder length, very different from me

• New York has meaning to me, this summer- watch for communications with someone from there

• I have a lot of dreams- write them down- they will be resolving

• She said I am doubting myself, I try to convey that I’m confident, but I’m not, I’m building my confidence; I should focus on my strengths, what I have rather than what I think I should have; There were people who tried to build me up in the past but I didn’t trust it, I’m going to start trusting myself more this year

This was all stuff she said without knowing anything about me. Then, I asked a few questions. I wasn't really prepared and didn't know what to ask, but she did give me some nice advice and insight into a few things.

• There WILL be a relationship and opportunities for what I want (family, etc.)

• Getting my Master’s will not completely satisfy me- I’ll enjoy it but it won’t be enough, look into writing- maybe I’ll develop a reading program- I have the creativity

• Early in the conversation, when she mentioned the grandmotherly figure, I said that my grandmother had passed away, but that wouldn't have been her. During the second part of our session, she said that when I mentioned my grandmother, she had the image of a bracelet. As she described it, I realized she was describing a bracelet my mom gave to my grandma not long before she died. It had charms/jewels that represented the fruits of the Spirit, and she was buried in it. I said I had a lot of regrets about that relationship, and she said I shouldn't- my grandma made her choices. Later I asked about the significance of her seeing this bracelet (did it mean my grandma was with me or something), and she said it's just a "touch-in"; just kind of a reassurance that there is life after death, and things are good.
  

• I asked about Grandma; she said she saw her playing cards and sensed frustration; she’s a character unto herself; my relationship with her will give me strength throughout my life- her experiences will help me with my problems

• I’m perceptive and accurate- my parents will not change anytime soon (I'm worried that they're unhappy). Andy wants to make changes but doesn’t have the initiative yet, late winter/early spring there will be movement, parents aren't pushing him to move out

• Challenge- when I’m around a man I’m attracted to- think "equal adult partner"

• When talking about meeting men, she mentioned motorcycles. Not sure if it was somethign she saw or just her throwing out an idea because her husband owns a motorcylce shop. She was talking about meeting someone with a hobby that may be completely opposite of my interests.