Tonight was our district's Women's History Program. Two of my girls gave Sojourner Truth's famous speech, "Ain't I a Woman?" It was great. I was so proud of them. It's a great feeling to see kids work hard at something and take pride in it. I wish I could post a picture I took of my girls, but you'll just have to trust me- they looked and sounded fabulous.

I don't have much else to say. I got the mother of all pinches from Michelle today. It was a pinch attack.

Gossip Girl annoyed me. What's with the whole Blair and Nate thing? I just want Blair to be with Chuck! But of course, it can't be that simple. Chuck kind of reminds me of Pete. That's not a compliment to Pete.

I was excited to watch My Boys tonight. I really like that show. The mustache thing cracked me up. I need to get my dad to watch that episode. Maybe then he will see how ridiculous mustaches are.

There is a Wii in the trunk of my car. It is a wedding gift, but I'm dying to bring it in and play it. Just for a little while. They wouldn't notice, would they??

If you want to see something funny, go to You Tube and look up "Read a book." Hilarious.

That's about all I have to say.

Just thinking about my schedule this week makes me feel like I can't breathe. The past few weeks have been like this, too. I have plans every night after work.

Today I meet with my trainer and have Bible study.

Tomorrow I am subbing for someone for homework centers, then have students performing in the Women's History Program.

Wednesday I meet with my trainer and am taking my little sister out to dinner.

Thursday I meet with a lady from the DAR.

Friday I have a bridal shower.

Saturday I have a bridal shower in Naperville, then I'm going to see RENT, then meet up with a bachelorette party.

Sunday, I rest. Well, not really. Because I still have papers to grade and lesson plans to write and homework to do.

So, I'm sorry that I've been neglecting friends so much lately. I am just so thankful that we only have about 2 months of school left. I can't keep up with this schedule much longer.

Last Monday I got a text from a guy from my past. We had a very casual relationship because his life was complicated. The problem was, the more I got to know him, the less casual I wanted it to be. But it just wasn't the right time. So I was surprised when he texted on Monday and said he wanted to see me, and the complications were gone. We made plans to go out for drinks on Thursday in my neighborhood.

I almost didn't recognize him when I walked in the bar. It has been two years since the last time I saw him. He still looks so good. And he has changed; you can just tell he is so much happier now. So I had a good time. We went back to my place and made out, and it was great. We have chemistry like something in a romance novel.

When he was leaving, I asked if I would see him again, and he said definitely, we'd do drinks or something. The next day I sent him the "Thanks again, I had a great time" text, and got no response. It is now Sunday, and he still has not texted. It's making me crazy. At first I thought that maybe he really did want to date me, but now I'm wondering if he just wants the same casual thing we had before.

I really really really wish he would just text me. It's not like I want to marry him or something; I just want to see where this could go.

Today my coworker and dear friend gifted me with a mini version of this Ugly Doll, Moxy. She said it made her think of me. Her description says:

"Moxy's got a lot of moxy. She's a real get up and go Ugly, with far more energy than her older brother, Ox. Moxy's favorite activity seems to be bouncing off the walls and jumping in and out of mischief. Her giant antennas are always on the lookout for a good time, and she can hear a party from miles away. She could hear you coming all the way from back over there! Are you a party animal? No? Would you like to take care of one? No? Well, that's ok because Moxy is here to take care of you. She can take care of pretty much any problem you may have... it's a gift of hers. For example, see how messy your room is? No problem! See? Moxy is on your side."

I love it.

I got my letter today. I've been rehired. Nothing to worry about. One more year in this district, and then I'm done.

Today I sent a letter to the Supernintendo asking to be considered for any available reading positions next year. By December I'll be qualified to be a reading teacher (which is kind of funny, since I already teach reading every day), and by the beginning of May I'll be qualified to be a reading specialist. My principal encouraged me to send the letter even though I probably wouldn't be hired for either of those positions because of NCLB. She said it is worth a try, and I agree. It would make me so happy to be a reading teacher a year sooner than I thought.

I really really love learning about how to teach reading. Tomorrow I'm doing a professional development for my coworkers about comprehension strategies in the content areas. I'm excited about it.

I'm excited about a lot of things. I've been praying and reflecting a lot lately, and I feel my heart starting to change. It's a good feeling. I'm feeling hopeful and optimistic.

So there is another rumor being spread about me at work. If I were tenured, this would not be a big deal. People in my district are terrible gossips. But since I'm not tenured, I'm worried. I'm not going to post the rumor here because it's completely ridiculous, but it's also pretty awful. One innocent conversation with friends while the wrong person was in the room turned into something completely crazy. My first inclination was to laugh, but then I was concerned. The reason I'm so worried is because the school board has been hearing my name in a negative context for the past two years. That awful mentor coordinator who hated me (I still can't figure out why; no one knows) told all these lies to them and the superintendent. And they don't have a lot of patience for that kind of thing. Why should they bother keeping you if you're a troublemaker? My principal said she had to fight for me last year. If she has to fight for me two years in a row, I imagine it will be a lost cause.

What really sucks is that I'm not even sure I want to stay in this district. I just needed to do one more year while I finish this Master's, then I was thinking about going somewhere else.

I am trying to be okay with the possibility of losing my job. I'm sure I could find something in CPS. I also realized that I could take two quick science classes online and get my science endorsement, which would create a lot of opportunities.

But I don't want to teach in CPS. And it would look really bad if I worked in CPS for just one year, then started looking in other places. I don't want to look like I hop from job to job. And I've never lost a job before; I don't want to start now.

I will know for sure in about two weeks. Until then, I am praying and trying to trust that things will work out the way they're supposed to. It's all just so stupid.

I feel like I should be blogging more often, but I don't have much to say.

I have two new headbands from Target that I'm really excited about. They have bows on them. I was always kind of jealous of the cheerleaders in high school because they wore the cute ribbons in their hair. I never wore bows as a child, so maybe I'm making up for that.

Friday night I had too many French martinis at The Spot. Maybe I need to start drinking things that don't taste good. Luckily, Nancy drove me home, made me throw up, gave me Ibuprofen, and got me to bed.

Saturday I laid on my couch and watched Twilight.

Saturday night I went dancing at DC's.

This morning I went to church with Whitney and her husband and it was really nice. Then we had lunch at Kopi Cafe, which was also really nice. Then I fell asleep on my couch for two hours instead of going to the gym.

Tonight I have worked on homework, cleaned, watched Big Love and Flight of the Conchords, and answered a hilarious craigslist ad. I do not want to go to work tomorrrow. But I get to wear my navy blue headband (because it's Blue Monday), so that's what will get me out of bed in the morning.

That's about it.

(This is really long. Sorry.)

When I was like, a freshman in high school, my friends used to tease me and call me a Cookie Monster because I ate cookies ALL the time. (This was kind of cute then because I wasn't overweight; now, it wouldn't be so funny. Also, this is how I got my email address. It hasn't changed in 13 years.) I even ate oatmeal cookies for breakfast and convinced myself it was healthy.

After all this time, my eating habits have not changed that much. This morning I grabbed a couple of fudge striped cookies on my way out the door for breakfast. I had a 100 calorie pack of chocolate covered pretzels at lunch (okay, I know those aren't cookies, but I usually do have cookies), and at dinner, I had 2 oatmeal raisin cookies from Subway for dessert. It occurred to me that that's a lot of freaking cookies. You would think that as I got older, things would have changed a little, but no. So my love of cookies will probably endure for the rest of my life.

But the point of this post isn't cookies. It's how things don't change. I think I mentioned at one point on this blog how, when I was a senior in high school and my life was so out of control, I wrote a journal entry about how things would be when I woke up. I wished it was all just a dream, and the journal entry pretty much described what my ideal life would be like. I looked at it last night, and it's kind of funny. My immaturity definitely shows. Here are parts of it:

"When I wake up from this dream I'm stuck in, I'll be in a little white house with lavender shutters (ew!) in Friendsville, Maryland. I'll be wearing Victoria's Secret lingerie (so not a fan of that anymore) and laying in a waterbed (those are so not conducive to, um, fun activities) with cool cotton sheets. It will be a bright sunny morning, and I'll get dressed in my favorite pair of Eeyore overalls. (Overalls? What was I thinking? But I still have a deep and abiding love for Eeyore.)

Then I'll go out in my front yard and work on my flower bed, which will contain beautiful flowers of all kinds. Because when I wake up, my flowers won't die. (This has still not changed. My orchids have been in foster care for a year now. I'm an unfit flower owner.)

While I'm working, two kids from my 3rd grade class will ride by on their bikes. "Hi, Miss B!" they'll call. And I'll invite them in for homemade chocolate chip cookies and lemonade.

After the kids leave, I'll walk to my best friend's house, who lives down the street and teaches at the same school as me. (Here I go off on a tangent about us going to the mall (ick) and having lunch at Olive Garden.) Then we hurry back to Friendsville, because I'll have a date with my fiance, who will be a fireman. I'll put on my size 3 little black dress and spritz on some Clinique Happy, because I WILL be happy."

So obviously, some things from that journal entry have changed as I've grown up. I no longer wear Clinique Happy (I'm all about the Pure Grace), I don't want to teach 3rd grade (I want to teach a middle or high school remedial reading class), and homemade cookies? Ha.

But this weekend I realized that, 10 years later, the basics of this dream for my life have not changed.

My dear college roommate, Paula, was in Iowa this weekend visiting her parents, so I went to see her. I LOVE going to Iowa. Her hometown is the quintessential small town. I met her in Dyersville (where Field of Dreams was filmed), and we went to the St. Patrick's Day Parade. So cute. Of course, it was nothing like the South Side Parade I'm used to, but it was just so fun. And as I watched a particularly hot fireman drive by, I was once again reminded of this dream I had for my future. 10 years later, I'm still longing to live in a small town.

It's completely illogical for so many reasons. How could I leave my friends? (I'm not worried about my parents; they'd probably come see me all the time if I lived in a small town.) I've built an amazing life here in the city; how could I leave it behind? It's not like I could come back and it would all just be waiting for me. And what about getting married? The guys my age in small towns are all married. I can't imagine actually meeting someone.

And then there are all the small things. Being a vegetarian in a rural area is probably not easy. What would I do without a Borders or Target nearby? Could I really handle a $10,000 paycut, even if the cost of living is cheaper? I would most likely be surrounded by conservatives who would consider me a liberal freak. All the hunting would bother me. Everyone would know your business, which in my case, could be really bad. And I went out to the small town bars in Iowa and was sooo uncomfortable (well, except for at Beaver's). Also, I hate driving at night in the country. I turn on my brights when I'm in the suburbs now; in the country, I am terrified of deer. And it is so dark! But it smells so good. And you can see stars. And everyone listens to country music.

So I am torn on this issue. It's not like I need to make a decision right now. I have to finish this degree program before I can go anywhere, so it would be another year before I'd move. Although in my current mood, I'd like to move tomorrow. I'm so ready for this school year to be over. Anyway, I'm pretty sure where I would move- Princeton, Illinois. I was there once in high school and absolutely fell in love with it. It's about an hour and a half from Naperville, so I wouldn't be too far from my family and the city. But everyone would think I was completely crazy. I'm thinking about driving out there this Saturday to check it out and see if it's what I remembered.

I know that the ideal that I want, a town like Mayberry, or Star's Hollow, or even the Plainfield that my parents grew up in, is not possible. But if I'm still longing for this after 10 years, don't I owe it to myself to try it?

Today was Day 1 of ISAT testing. Let's review today's events.

10 of my kids did not have calculators. That made the math portion interesting. Usually the school provides them, but I don't know what happened this year. So it wasn't just my class that was affected. But I certainly wasn't going to harass the principal about it; she wasn't there today because of her high blood pressure, which is work-related, I'm sure.

K, my special little guy (as Marge Simpson likes to say) was having trouble staying quiet and in his seat. So I texted his mom after the first test to let her know. (That's how familiar we are with each other; we don't even have to call anymore.) He was pretty upset, and when it came time to take the math section, he refused to do it. 20 minutes in, I convinced him to get started. After a few minutes of trying, he gave up and said, "I can't do this." The problem was that he couldn't read it. This makes me so angry, because I have been trying for months to get him tested. And the social worker keeps saying he's her top priority, but keeps putting off the meeting. He's reading at a second grade level. When I was testing him, he read a 4th grade passage at a rate of 22 WPM. What really makes me mad is that if they had just tested him and gotten him help, the math section could have been read to him. So finally, 40 minutes into the test, he just started marking answers. At least he finished; most of the kids in the other sixth grade class did not finish.

There is still crazy girl drama going on in my classroom. One girl has been ostracized. Yes, she said some stupid things, but she doesn't deserve this. Meanwhile, this group of "popular girls" (they have even ranked themselves) have given each other nicknames and call each other sisters. They said they want me to be a sister too, and asked if they could call me Little E. And I'm sorry, but I couldn't resist... it's a Gossip Girl name! But they are really starting to get on my nerves. They are so cocky, and constantly playing.

Today, that resulted in an injury. Y was hitting and kicking the boys when they lined up, and she hit J in the eye. Rather than punch her, he punched the wall and ended up with a broken finger. I called him after school to tell him how proud of him I was for not hitting a girl. I told him that showed a lot of maturity, and that's something a man, not a boy, would do. Poor kid.

Meanwhile, in the other 6th grade class, this boy got confrontational with the teacher and started running down the hall and just being crazy in general. When he came back, he told her he was going to cut her. As she recounted the story to me after school today, she said, "I started to go after him, but Jesus grabbed me and held me back... seriously, that's the only way I can explain it. I was halfway to him and just stopped mid-step." Coincidentally, some of his relatives were there picking up his cousin, who was sick. I got to see the scene in the office. Rather than defend their poor, innocent baby (which most parents do), they asked the teacher if she wanted to press charges. As they walked out the door, we overheard the aunt say, "I'm going to beat the hell out of you..." The assistant principal chased her down and said, "What's your number?" Now she will know who to call when there's a problem.

I'm just so sick of these kids and their craziness. They are seriously crazy. The art teacher told me the other day that my class is the worst in the school. "Your class is a walking advertisement for birth control," she said. Maybe Planned Parenthood should open a branch at our school.

Sooo... things did not go as expected. My day at work was typical. Then the plan was to go out to a bar after class with the girls from my cohort. But class was canceled, so that plan fell through. And at the last minute, people were busy, or far away, or I just didn't want to inconvenience people by asking them to come hang out with me, since I'd just had a party over the weekend. So I went to a community meeting down the street that was interesting and informative, and then worked up my nerve to go to Simone's all by myself for a drink.

Well, the bartenders were really nice. When they found out it was my birthday, they gave me this huge delicious shot that tasted like chocolate cake. Then I started talking to the girl next to me, who had actually also been at the meeting, and she was really cool as well. Meanwhile, I kept drinking Double Bubbles (it's like champagne, pear Grey Goose, and orange juice with Pop Rocks on the rim of the glass), and within a very short period of time I was toasted.

So I stumbled home, talking to my birthmom on my phone, but I don't really remember the conversation. All I remember is that I thought I was going to pee in my pants, but I still stopped to buy cigarettes. Then I came home and called my mom and rambled about growing raspberries. (The girl I met at Simone's was telling me about a community garden that I want to get involved with.) I barely remember that conversation either. Then I started texting people. Looking back this morning, I did not even remember some of the texts. Nina told me she couldn't play tennis with me on Friday, and I was so confused. By the time I started texting people, it was getting late, so Pete was the only one who was awake and willing to converse. Poor Pete. I was watching the Cubs and smoking out my window and getting pretty belligerent, since they were playing the Sox. And Pete is a Sox fan. Also, I get really chatty when I drink, so I texted him A LOT. Then, to make everything worse, I mentioned that I was lonely (which, like, 90% of the time I'm not), and he asked why don't I look for a guy to date seriously, and I started going on about my self-esteem issues. How freaking embarrassing. I texted him this morning to ask him to forget most of what was said, except for my childhood love of Mr. T, and he said I could consider it forgotten. But still. I'm guessing I won't hear from him for a while.

And that was my 27th birthday.

I'm watching a Cubs preseason game and they keep showing commercials for I Dream of Jeannie. I used to love that show when I was little. I was even Jeannie for Halloween one year in like second grade. You know what's funny? I would watch I Love Lucy once in a while too, but my mom didn't like me watching that because it was sexist. Now that I am older, I don't understand why she didn't think Jeannie was sexist. But she says it's because Jeannie was clearly all pretend, whereas I Love Lucy was promoting a sexist relationship. She also hated Friends, but loved Will and Grace. You know why? Because Friends promoted promiscuity, and tried to portray it in a realistic way. And she said real life could never be like that; sex is never that casual without consequences. But she loves Will and Grace because she said it was clearly unrealistic and just plain hilarious. She said that no one is that awful in real life. She loves Karen Walker. I love my mom.

As we waited in line for an hour and a half to ride Peter Pan's Flight at Disney World, Nancy suggested we make goals for 2009. I thought it seemed a little silly at first, because who actually keeps New Year's resolutions? But I do love to make lists, and I thought it would be good to have some general goals for myself that didn't have to be specific to 2009. So I made a list of 11 things, and I've actually stuck with it. Well, a little bit, anyway.

Last week it occurred to me that my accountability partner and I have not exactly been accountable to each other recently. Or ever, for that matter. Back when our small group had like, 12 girls in it, we were assigned accountability partners. I specifically requested Whitney; I just had this impression that we would be good for each other. I think that truly was God giving me that idea, because I love that girl dearly, and I think out of all the girls in our group, she is the perfect one to be my AP. Anyway, an AP is just like it sounds- someone who holds you accountable. But I think Whitney and I always saw it as we just have each others' backs more than anyone else in the group. We pray for each other and know each other's life stories and talk to each other about faith and life. But we've never really done the accountability thing; I guess because we didn't know what to hold each other accountable to. Recently there's been an issue in my life with people thinking that I'm doing something wrong. But if I don't believe it's wrong, and it's not hurting anyone, what right do they have to tell me that? So it's very hard to do the AP thing if you're not clear on what each other's standards are.

I started thinking that Whitney and I should share lists of goals with each other and try to hold each other accountable. Last night we met and shared lists, and it was nice to see that we had a few things in common. Maybe we can work on those things together.

I'm not going to share all my goals here because they're personal, but some of them fall into 3 categories: faith, fitness, finances. Fitness I have started on. I'm seeing my personal trainer twice a week and I love strength training. Still not a fan of cardio, but maybe that will come with time. Although it's kind of expensive, it's giving me a reason to get my butt to the gym.

In the faith area, I want to start attending a church regularly. I've really had trouble finding a church I like in the city, and once you stop going, it's really hard to get back in the routine. But I miss this, so I'm going to make the effort. Also, when I haven't been to church in a while, I start to feel all gunky inside. Like my soul is all dirty and disgusting. I know I'm a better person when I'm going to church.

Three of my goals were financial. I want to save a certain amount per paycheck, keep a minimum balance in my checking account, and pay off my credit cards. Whitney had this gleam in her eye as she read these goals; I have a feeling I'm going to start getting emails asking what my checking account balance is. She's really good with money.

But oddly enough, I'm looking forward to having someone check up on me (who's not my mom or dad). And I really hope I can do the same for her. I am determined to be a new and improved Erin in 2009.

My birthday is Wednesday, but we have a four day weekend, so I've been celebrating all weekend. Actually, most of the stuff I've done is what I would normally do on a long weekend; the birthday party was the only thing out of the ordinary.

On Friday I went for a facial at University of Aesthetics. Since they're a school, you can get all kinds of spa services for cheap, and they do a great job. Then that night, my brother and I got tattoos. He got his initials the way he signs them on his artwork, and I got a tattoo for my grandma. Some people get commemorative tattoos when someone dies, but I wanted to get something for her while she's still around. It's a cluster of three petunias on the inside of my right ankle. (She used to call me Petunia. Also Emma Lou, which I could never figure out.) Under the petunias it says "Love you to pieces," which is what she always tells me. It's super cute and I'm so in love with it, but I don't want to post a pic because it looks really bad in all the pics I've taken. But Marci at Tatu Tattoo is brilliant. I still have three more tattoos that need to be done, and she's the only one I'll go to from now on.

Saturday morning I got a manicure at Polish in South Loop. It was my first time there, and I highly recommend it. Reasonably priced, and very trendy without being pretentious.

Saturday night was my birthday party! My friend Rachel and I share a birthday, so we shared a birthday party as well. We went to DC's Country Junction in Indiana (of course). The guest list included Nina, Adam, Sarah, Faye, Jim, Lajoya, Everett, Cyndee, Kelly, Kris, Rachel, Anne, Liz, and Stephanie. I'm pretty sure Nina and Adam did not enjoy themselves, given their strong dislike of Indiana and country music. But everyone else at least tried to dance, and it was just so fun to have my friends there who wouldn't normally come. Lajoya is my coworker, and I think she is going to tease me about this place for the remainder of our careers. Oh well. It was perfect. I'll post pics as soon as I can get them from Rachel. I wore this new dress from Anthropologie that was just gorgeous; I had a few random girls compliment me on it.

Sunday was a lazy day where I worked on Bible study stuff and read a book. I was getting kind of bored, so I asked Nancy if she wanted to come out to Violet Hour since we didn't have work today. I love how she almost always says yes. She brought her friend Sarah (who is cool), and Sarah brought two of her friends. Now, I felt bad, and I know it's kind of mean, but I couldn't help being annoyed by these girls immediately. There was just something about them that irritated me. When we got to the bar, I realized that one of them was wearing a leopard print top. And the other one told the waitress she was on a low carb diet and needed a drink that was low carb. Nancy actually overheard one girl say to the other one that they were too white trash for that place. But after Violet Hour we went to Pick Me Up Cafe, and after talking to them, I liked them a little more.

Today I need to run some errands. (My dad used to say that when I was little, and I thought he was saying "Erins," and it used to really confuse me.) Then William is supposed to come over and hang out, then I have strength training, then I'm meeting Whitney for dinner before Bible study. Whitney is my accountability partner, and we realized we haven't exactly been keeping each other accountable for anything. So we made lists of goals, and tonight we're going to discuss them and how we can help each other with them. I'm a little nervous. Last week she asked if any of mine are financial (and of course they are, since I'm notoriously awful with money), and she had this wicked gleam in her eye (because she is really good with money). So I think I'm going to become a better person whether I want to or not.

So I know this post wasn't really exciting, but I promise it really was exciting in real life. Or maybe not exciting, just really fun. I love my life. Sorry if that sounds obnoxious.