Bernie painted a picture of the KOFAs as this mystical place where you could lose yourself and explore for days without seeing another soul. Jenna and I ventured out there a few months ago, and I was less than impressed. We did see a few interesting things...
The panty bush:
Some graves:
... And it was fun to spend the day with one of my favorite people. But I felt a little... let down.
I decided that this was my fault. Clearly I just didn't know where the cool stuff was. Bernie went on and on about these beautiful cabins you can sleep in and how it's one of the most remote places in AZ. Bernie knows all the best places, so I wanted to give the KOFAs another chance.
Kristin and I had a three day weekend, so we decided to spend it relaxing and exploring in the KOFAs. We left on Saturday morning. Before heading into the KOFAs, we stopped in Quartzsite for lunch. And it was at this point that things started to go wrong. We were trapped in Quartzsite FOREVER. We had lunch. Then we stopped for groceries we'd forgotten. Then we stopped for gas. Then we stopped for firewood. On and on and on. We kept forgetting things. The only thing that made this detour worthwhile was the amazing used bookstore with the nude owner:
Add a pair of bright yellow Crocs, and this will be Bernie in 30 years.
We FINALLY left Quartzsite and headed down 95 to the trails we wanted to check out. One trail leads to Palm Canyon, which contains the only native palm trees in Arizona. It connects to a trail through another canyon with and arch and a balanced rock and some other cool stuff. But we looked at the time and realized we'd never make it to the cabin before dark if we did all that stuff. So we chose to take the trail that would lead us to the cabin.
There was NOTHING interesting on this trail. NOTHING. Maybe a few pretty views. But we just drove and drove and drove for hours. "Tell me a story," Kristin said at one point to distract her from the driving. So I told her about my ex, and how he used to surprise me and kiss me when I was getting a drink of water at school just like in Great Expectations, and the time he got suspended and I went to visit him in "jail," which was two folding chairs set up in his basement, and the time he was riding his bike home from a party and carrying a boombox on his shoulder and fell off his bike and got in trouble because his dad thought he was fighting.
Around 7 p.m., we were still nowhere near the cabin, so we just picked a flat spot and pitched the tent there. We watched The Heat (so funny) and went to bed early. I had trouble falling asleep because did I mention that I was sick and had been feverish all day? I had 10 layers on and was still shivering.
The best part of the whole trip was waking up in time to see the sun rise over the desert. I do love the sense of being completely alone, surrounded by all that beauty. But then it was time to get back in the car and drive some more.
We finally reached the cabin only to discover a family that had been camping there since Friday morning. They were super nice and let us look around and even invited us to stay for breakfast, but we declined. I do have to admit, Bernie was right. It was a nice cabin and I might have actually slept in it. There were wooden bed frames, which I would have wiped down first, but I think I could've done it.
It was time to get back in the car and drive. And drive. We felt like we'd been driving for days and days. Finally, FINALLY we reached the intersection with the road that would take us back to 95. And realized that that road was unpaved as well.
F- our lives.
We thought we'd only be on it for a few minutes. Nope. It was "the road that never ends..." as Kristin was singing.
At one point, we stopped and I just lost it and started throwing rocks at a cactus. Because when I get mad at people, I throw things at them. And I was furious with the KOFAs. We were trapped. We were never getting out of there.
Late that afternoon, we reached 95. I was nauseous from all the bumping around and still felt disgusting from my cold. Kristin had the start of a migraine.
We discussed what we could do to redeem this trip. We could go camp on the Colorado River... but then what? It's too cold for swimming. We could go back into the KOFAs and see Palm Canyon... um, hell no. The KOFAs were not claiming another hour of our lives.
"Let's go home," one of us said.
And two hours later we were on my couch, watching football and eating homemade guacamole.
The panty bush:
Some graves:
... And it was fun to spend the day with one of my favorite people. But I felt a little... let down.
I decided that this was my fault. Clearly I just didn't know where the cool stuff was. Bernie went on and on about these beautiful cabins you can sleep in and how it's one of the most remote places in AZ. Bernie knows all the best places, so I wanted to give the KOFAs another chance.
Kristin and I had a three day weekend, so we decided to spend it relaxing and exploring in the KOFAs. We left on Saturday morning. Before heading into the KOFAs, we stopped in Quartzsite for lunch. And it was at this point that things started to go wrong. We were trapped in Quartzsite FOREVER. We had lunch. Then we stopped for groceries we'd forgotten. Then we stopped for gas. Then we stopped for firewood. On and on and on. We kept forgetting things. The only thing that made this detour worthwhile was the amazing used bookstore with the nude owner:
Add a pair of bright yellow Crocs, and this will be Bernie in 30 years.
We FINALLY left Quartzsite and headed down 95 to the trails we wanted to check out. One trail leads to Palm Canyon, which contains the only native palm trees in Arizona. It connects to a trail through another canyon with and arch and a balanced rock and some other cool stuff. But we looked at the time and realized we'd never make it to the cabin before dark if we did all that stuff. So we chose to take the trail that would lead us to the cabin.
There was NOTHING interesting on this trail. NOTHING. Maybe a few pretty views. But we just drove and drove and drove for hours. "Tell me a story," Kristin said at one point to distract her from the driving. So I told her about my ex, and how he used to surprise me and kiss me when I was getting a drink of water at school just like in Great Expectations, and the time he got suspended and I went to visit him in "jail," which was two folding chairs set up in his basement, and the time he was riding his bike home from a party and carrying a boombox on his shoulder and fell off his bike and got in trouble because his dad thought he was fighting.
Around 7 p.m., we were still nowhere near the cabin, so we just picked a flat spot and pitched the tent there. We watched The Heat (so funny) and went to bed early. I had trouble falling asleep because did I mention that I was sick and had been feverish all day? I had 10 layers on and was still shivering.
The best part of the whole trip was waking up in time to see the sun rise over the desert. I do love the sense of being completely alone, surrounded by all that beauty. But then it was time to get back in the car and drive some more.
We finally reached the cabin only to discover a family that had been camping there since Friday morning. They were super nice and let us look around and even invited us to stay for breakfast, but we declined. I do have to admit, Bernie was right. It was a nice cabin and I might have actually slept in it. There were wooden bed frames, which I would have wiped down first, but I think I could've done it.
It was time to get back in the car and drive. And drive. We felt like we'd been driving for days and days. Finally, FINALLY we reached the intersection with the road that would take us back to 95. And realized that that road was unpaved as well.
F- our lives.
We thought we'd only be on it for a few minutes. Nope. It was "the road that never ends..." as Kristin was singing.
At one point, we stopped and I just lost it and started throwing rocks at a cactus. Because when I get mad at people, I throw things at them. And I was furious with the KOFAs. We were trapped. We were never getting out of there.
Late that afternoon, we reached 95. I was nauseous from all the bumping around and still felt disgusting from my cold. Kristin had the start of a migraine.
We discussed what we could do to redeem this trip. We could go camp on the Colorado River... but then what? It's too cold for swimming. We could go back into the KOFAs and see Palm Canyon... um, hell no. The KOFAs were not claiming another hour of our lives.
"Let's go home," one of us said.
And two hours later we were on my couch, watching football and eating homemade guacamole.
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