The Adventures of Kinky Reggae: A Vagabond for Beauty

Saw this quote on Pinterest tonight, and it hit close to home.  I spend a lot of energy defining myself by what I am not. I am not a runner.  I am not an athlete.  I am not a canyoneer. I am not pretty. I am not smart. I am not interesting. I am not cool. I am not good enough. I could go on and on.  It's so easy to fall into this trap! I know about the power of positive thinking and try to teach it to my students all the time.  It's obvious when other people set themselves up for failure through their negativity, but harder to recognize in yourself.   I'm going to try to stop thinking about what I'm not and focus on what I am.  

Sorry for all the running posts.  That's mostly what I have going on right now and takes up most of my thinking.  I know I think about it too much, because I met this guy, and he was cool and everything, and I liked him, but our schedules were really hard to coordinate, and I blew him off a couple of times to run, and that's when I knew I shouldn't see him again...  Today I was supposed to go for a run with Nina.  I asked her to run with me because I've never run with anyone before, and I'm having all this anxiety over running with Joe, so I thought Nina could help.  And then I realized today that I was even nervous to run with her.  What the heck??  And I thought about running a 5k at Freeze Fest with Jason like we'd talked about, and realized I don't want to run with him, either.  I don't want to run with anyone.  Part of it is embarrassment, part of it is guilt that they'll have to run super slow with me, and the other part of it is something ir

We met when I stole his copy of Outside Magazine.  It was laying on the floor by the mailboxes, and I assumed it was for me.  Rich Rudow (canyoneering hero!) was on the cover.  When I picked it up, I did see that it wasn't for me, but canyoneering is an addiction, and addicts will do anything for a fix.  So I figured I'd just borrow the magazine and put it back later, and he'd never know it was gone.   A few days later, I ran into a ridiculously super hot guy by the mailboxes.  He introduced himself, and I was like, "Oh, I have your magazine!"  I retrieved the magazine, explaining that I thought it was for me.  "I do this," I said, flipping to one of the canyoneering pictures.   "Really???"  He wanted to know more.  And I am always eager to talk about canyoneering.  We had a lengthy conversation.  I've run into him a few times since then.  He always asks about the canyoneering and wanted to hear all about my trip this summer.  One tim

I'm still up in the air about this Hot Chocolate race I'm supposed to be running.   The other day I finally sat down and journaled about it all, trying to figure out why this whole running thing has me so emo.   Like I said, I have never done anything athletic.  Not even as a kid.  No soccer or tee ball... nothing.  Because I sucked, even back then.   Elementary school P.E. was a traumatic experience.  We had this teacher who only liked the popular kids, and all we did was run or play soccer.  He always seemed to do activities that put the spotlight on individuals, which for me, meant constant embarrassment.  (Thinking about those games of "line soccer" still makes me nauseous.)  When we had fitness testing, sometimes he'd make us do things like pull-ups in front of the whole class.  It was bad enough that, on nights before P.E., I would cry and beg my parents to not make me go to school.  True story.  And this lasted for several years.   In el

Nancy and I had so much fun on Saturday, I could hardly stand it.   We began with brunch at the Flying Saucer, a neighborhood restaurant I've been wanting to try for quite a while.  The challah French toast was divine, and it will be dangerous to have a place in such close proximity that serves Vosges hot chocolate.   We took the long way back to my place and I showed Nancy some of my favorite neighborhood spots.  She's come a long way, considering she wouldn't even come to my neighborhood last January!  She's much more observant than I am, so she noticed all kinds of fun things, like a really sweet tree house in someone's yard.  I was also excited to show her my very favorite spot in the city, which I think she appreciated just as much as me.   (This is not the spot, just a picture of how pretty my street looks right now.) It was then time to head to Joann's (the weekend before Halloween weekend- yikes!) to stock up on supplies.  We sounded li

I don't really have a cohesive post to write, but here's what's new... I was supposed to have a date on Friday that was probably a bad idea (but that I still wanted anyway).  Not surprisingly, it didn't happen.  So, Whitney and I enjoyed a fabulous dinner at Prasino, followed by cookies at Alliance Bakery. (My cookie after I bit off his arm.) The evening concluded with a long phone conversation with Jason.  We have a lot in common right now, but we are like Stevie Wonder and Ray Charles.   I got a new coat from REI on Saturday.  It's so fancy, I can't even figure out what all the stuff on it is.  I should be nice and toasty at Freeze Fest.  My dad also found me a heater to use, which the reviews all say keeps things a little *too* warm.  Everyone's gonna want to sleep in my Subaru with me... :) I also had pie with Joe on Saturday, and ran for over an hour that night.  We are not going to talk about my pace.  But it felt good to know I

Today, at the end of my time with the kindergartners, I had them line up at the door and went to grab something from my desk. "Excuse me, Ms. B.?" one of my boisterous little girls is standing next to me.   "What's up, S.?" She mumbles something I can't understand, looking at the floor. "What did you say?" "I have to tell you something," she says very quietly.  There is a look of absolute shame on her face, and my first thought is, oh no, she peed her pants.  She looks *that* embarrassed. I bend down to get on her level.  "What is it, honey?" She reaches out and pushes my hair back behind my ear so she can whisper in it.  "I don't know the letters.  Or the numbers." My heart breaks for her.  I know we're not supposed to touch the kids, but how can I *not* give her a hug in that moment???  I assure her that that's what me and Mrs. W. are there for- to teach her the letters.  She WILL learn th

Intervention group with my kindergartners: "Miss B., you have pretty hair." "You have pretty earrings." "Everything is pretty on you..." "Why thank you, my dears," I responded. "What's a dear?  Like reindeer???" Lots of giggles. "NO, it's when you like someone, you call them a dear!" another kindergartner explained. "I like Miss B.!" "Miss B., you're a dear!" Small Group: "What???  It's like you're teaching in Appalachia!"  -Stacey, upon hearing that most of the teachers at my school don't know what progress monitoring is We started a new session of small group tonight, which meant there were a few new girls.  We were asked to go around and share a history of where we'd lived.  Sarah launched into a detailed description that included 3 weeks in Rome.  "You didn't live there, that's a vacation!" everyone yelled.  &

The preparation  I had four people to cheer for in the marathon: two girls from small group, Joe, and Nina.  I asked them about their pace and what they'd be wearing, then carefully planned the spots in which we' be cheering.  ("We" is me and Adam, Nina's boyfriend.)  We'd start at Mile 4 on LaSalle, because my church is on the corner there and I'd volunteered to make cookies for their cookies and coffee table.  Then, we'd cross the street and head over to Wells and catch the runners at Mile 11, on their way back from Boys Town.  I parked my car facing west on Division for a quick getaway to Mile 14 in West Loop, where my small group friends would be cheering.  Then, we would head down to 35th and Michigan to cheer at Mile 24.   The night before the race, we had a delicious dinner at Chicago Diner, a fabulous vegan restaurant in Boys Town.  (The peanut butter cookie dough milkshake- O.M.G.)  I then stayed up till 2 a.m. making signs.  I had no idea