It was my birthday weekend. My birthday is on Tuesday, but we had a four day weekend, so I had all sorts of fabulous plans. I was originally supposed to go down to Memphis and party on Beale Street, but sadly, that didn't work out. So I filled my weekend with other exciting plans: brunch with my little sister, a shopping trip with my mom, a country bar with my birthmom, DC's with Faye, a hiking adventure in Indiana... and then, Thursday night, I came down with the flu.
I was miserable all day Friday. It didn't help that two guys came over to fix the giant hole in my bathroom wall (from the water problem) and left a huge mess that I was too sick to clean up. There was drywall junk everywhere. But Sarah was kind enough to come take care of me on Friday night. She gave me a manicure and we watched a chick flick; such a dear friend.
Saturday was a whole lot of nothing. Body aches, chills, and laying on the couch.
Sunday I woke up feeling better and jumped at the chance to still do something exciting over the weekend. Nina and I went hiking at Turkey Run State Park in Indiana. It was sunny and 70 degrees- perfect! And the hiking was quite adventurous. The picture here is from the park's website, but this was one of my favorite parts- you had to actually straddle the stream. But what was different about our hike was that there was much more water, and lots of ice. Definitely more exciting than what you see in the picture. On the way home we stopped at this place called Fair Oaks Farms that I'd been wanted to try. They had amazing grilled cheese sandwiches and milkshakes, but I've realized that I am almost definitely lactose intolerant. What a shame.
Today I spent the day reading, cleaning, and watching Sex and the City. Oh, how I love that show. It never gets old. As I watched Carrie and Big finally get together at the end of the series, I contemplated my relationship with my ex. My friend used to say that my ex was my Big. Now, I am sure that's not true. I don't think we were meant to end up together. Looking back, I'm not sure how I could have ever though that was true, given the way he treated me. And yet, feelings remain.
These feelings are so mixed up, I still haven't sorted them out. I thought I was fine until I found out he was back in town. My brother ran into him, and I felt nauseous when he told me about it. I wanted to know everything. When my brother asked why, I honestly wasn't sure. Is it because I want his life to be miserable? No. I've surmised that he must be separated from his wife, and given the people he was hanging out with, he's probably doing drugs. That doesn't make me happy. But why do I care? I'm still trying to figure it out. And why am I so upset? I know that I'm scared of running into him. Maybe I'm partly afraid that he'll call me, and I won't be able to say no to him, just like in the past. The chances of him calling me are slim to none, but it's still crossed my mind. I was so stupid in the past, letting him walk all over me and completely destroy my sense of self-worth. After we broke up the first time (he got drunk and told me that every time he was ever with me he was drunk, making it seem like I was only good enough for him to use in that way), I was still stupid enough to get back together with him a second time. This time, he told me he wanted to marry me, then slept with another girl, reinforcing this concept that I am just not good enough for him. Knowing he's around has brought back a lot of my insecurities; how ridiculous is that?
Anyway, I'm a mess about the whole thing, which means there are probably still some big issues I need to figure out. And I'm really mad that I'm letting his presence affect me like this! He shouldn't have this power over me. What's that Eleanor Roosevelt quote about how a person can't hurt you unless you let them? It's not like he's even done anything; just his presence makes me nauseous. But I will say this. I would not fall for him like I did before. On Sex and the City, Samantha says, "F*** me badly once, shame on you. F*** me badly twice, shame on me." She's right; I'm not going to let him f*** me over again. Not that he even wants to. But still. It's comforting to have that thought.
Sorry to use the F word. But strong emotions call for strong words. :)
I was miserable all day Friday. It didn't help that two guys came over to fix the giant hole in my bathroom wall (from the water problem) and left a huge mess that I was too sick to clean up. There was drywall junk everywhere. But Sarah was kind enough to come take care of me on Friday night. She gave me a manicure and we watched a chick flick; such a dear friend.
Saturday was a whole lot of nothing. Body aches, chills, and laying on the couch.
Sunday I woke up feeling better and jumped at the chance to still do something exciting over the weekend. Nina and I went hiking at Turkey Run State Park in Indiana. It was sunny and 70 degrees- perfect! And the hiking was quite adventurous. The picture here is from the park's website, but this was one of my favorite parts- you had to actually straddle the stream. But what was different about our hike was that there was much more water, and lots of ice. Definitely more exciting than what you see in the picture. On the way home we stopped at this place called Fair Oaks Farms that I'd been wanted to try. They had amazing grilled cheese sandwiches and milkshakes, but I've realized that I am almost definitely lactose intolerant. What a shame.
Today I spent the day reading, cleaning, and watching Sex and the City. Oh, how I love that show. It never gets old. As I watched Carrie and Big finally get together at the end of the series, I contemplated my relationship with my ex. My friend used to say that my ex was my Big. Now, I am sure that's not true. I don't think we were meant to end up together. Looking back, I'm not sure how I could have ever though that was true, given the way he treated me. And yet, feelings remain.
These feelings are so mixed up, I still haven't sorted them out. I thought I was fine until I found out he was back in town. My brother ran into him, and I felt nauseous when he told me about it. I wanted to know everything. When my brother asked why, I honestly wasn't sure. Is it because I want his life to be miserable? No. I've surmised that he must be separated from his wife, and given the people he was hanging out with, he's probably doing drugs. That doesn't make me happy. But why do I care? I'm still trying to figure it out. And why am I so upset? I know that I'm scared of running into him. Maybe I'm partly afraid that he'll call me, and I won't be able to say no to him, just like in the past. The chances of him calling me are slim to none, but it's still crossed my mind. I was so stupid in the past, letting him walk all over me and completely destroy my sense of self-worth. After we broke up the first time (he got drunk and told me that every time he was ever with me he was drunk, making it seem like I was only good enough for him to use in that way), I was still stupid enough to get back together with him a second time. This time, he told me he wanted to marry me, then slept with another girl, reinforcing this concept that I am just not good enough for him. Knowing he's around has brought back a lot of my insecurities; how ridiculous is that?
Anyway, I'm a mess about the whole thing, which means there are probably still some big issues I need to figure out. And I'm really mad that I'm letting his presence affect me like this! He shouldn't have this power over me. What's that Eleanor Roosevelt quote about how a person can't hurt you unless you let them? It's not like he's even done anything; just his presence makes me nauseous. But I will say this. I would not fall for him like I did before. On Sex and the City, Samantha says, "F*** me badly once, shame on you. F*** me badly twice, shame on me." She's right; I'm not going to let him f*** me over again. Not that he even wants to. But still. It's comforting to have that thought.
Sorry to use the F word. But strong emotions call for strong words. :)
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Miss you volumes!