Rachel should charge a fee for her therapy services.
We were on the phone the other night, and I was telling her about Outdoor Ed. Specifically, the high ropes course- you go up a rock-climbing wall, cross three complicated rope things, and then zip line down. Rachel was like, "I bet you were all over that."
"What are you talking about? I didn't even consider it. I'm out of shape, I don't like heights, I'm totally uncoordinated, and I didn't want everyone watching me."
"Um, Erin? What's wrong with you? Phoenix Erin was such a bad-ass; she would've been so excited about that... We need to figure out why Chicago's not working for you."
This change has crept up on me, but it's definitely happening. Rachel was right. If this had been in Phoenix, sure, I would've been nervous, but I would've been excited to try. (And I don't think I would have had a choice; my coworkers would have just expected me to do it, given my reputation for crazy adventures, and the kids would have insisted.) But in the moment, it honestly didn't even occur to me. I did kind of think it would be fun to climb up the wall and just rappel back down, but my insecurities immediately took over and I didn't think I could do it. WTF? What's wrong with me?
This is Chicago Erin. Or at least, Naperville Erin. Self-conscious. No confidence. Insecure. Boring. And it wasn't a conscious decision to be like this, it's just happening. I feel like I'm trying to cling to the things that made me happy in Phoenix, but those things are gone and I'm just kind of lost. And I'm in this in-between phase where I live with my parents, so I feel like I don't have much of a life. I'm still in hermit mode; I have to force myself to call/text people.
I need to figure out what my problem is and snap out of it. And, as Rachel said, I need to figure out why Chicago's not working for me so I can fix it.
We were on the phone the other night, and I was telling her about Outdoor Ed. Specifically, the high ropes course- you go up a rock-climbing wall, cross three complicated rope things, and then zip line down. Rachel was like, "I bet you were all over that."
"What are you talking about? I didn't even consider it. I'm out of shape, I don't like heights, I'm totally uncoordinated, and I didn't want everyone watching me."
"Um, Erin? What's wrong with you? Phoenix Erin was such a bad-ass; she would've been so excited about that... We need to figure out why Chicago's not working for you."
This change has crept up on me, but it's definitely happening. Rachel was right. If this had been in Phoenix, sure, I would've been nervous, but I would've been excited to try. (And I don't think I would have had a choice; my coworkers would have just expected me to do it, given my reputation for crazy adventures, and the kids would have insisted.) But in the moment, it honestly didn't even occur to me. I did kind of think it would be fun to climb up the wall and just rappel back down, but my insecurities immediately took over and I didn't think I could do it. WTF? What's wrong with me?
This is Chicago Erin. Or at least, Naperville Erin. Self-conscious. No confidence. Insecure. Boring. And it wasn't a conscious decision to be like this, it's just happening. I feel like I'm trying to cling to the things that made me happy in Phoenix, but those things are gone and I'm just kind of lost. And I'm in this in-between phase where I live with my parents, so I feel like I don't have much of a life. I'm still in hermit mode; I have to force myself to call/text people.
I need to figure out what my problem is and snap out of it. And, as Rachel said, I need to figure out why Chicago's not working for me so I can fix it.
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