So. It would seem
that I am a bit of a hypocrite.
Bernie called me on Saturday to let me know he’d be
disappearing into the mountains for about a week, possibly more. He’s been dealing with some difficult stuff
and needed to get away from the stress and figure things out.
My immediate reaction was that I would miss him. And then I was slightly irritated, because I
thought, “Is this how he deals with conflict?
Leaving? Must be nice to be able
to be that irresponsible.” Not a nice thought, I know. (I am so MEAN sometimes! I’ve been praying about this a lot; I have
such mean thoughts and I hate it!)
Last night, I broke the news to my parents that it’s
probable that I’ll be losing my job again this year. Later on in the conversation, I mentioned my
upcoming trip to the Smokies.
“Umm… if you’re going to be unemployed, don’t you think you
should be saving your money instead of taking a vacation?” my mom asked.
“Mom, you don’t understand.
My trip would be the same week I find out if I’m losing my job. If I get bad news, I just need to disappear
into the mountains to figure things out.
That’s what I need to be happy and emotionally healthy.”
And as soon as I said that, I thought, “Oh my gosh, I’m
Bernie.”
It seems irresponsible for him to just take off, but there’s
no reason why he can’t. When I’m
depressed, the only thing I want is to be outside- desert, mountains, doesn’t
matter, as long as I’m alone and in a beautiful place. If I were Bernie, I would have done the same
thing.
I don’t know if he knows how annoyed with him I was, but
when he gets back, I owe him an apology.
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