A Rough Day in Waterslides

I have had some bad times in canyons- the exit from Lower Baptist Draw, that rappel in Behunin that freaked me out-but I’ve never had a whole day that was just awful.

Until my trip through Waterslides this weekend.

Anxiety sucks. Mine comes and goes, and it’s been bad for the past few weeks. Here’s how ridiculous it is- I actually have anxiety about my anxiety. So, last week I tried some new strategies I’ve learned, and that escalated into a panic attack because THE STRATEGIES WERE NOT WORKING OMG I SUCK AT EVERYTHING.

I saw this cartoon on Buzzfeed that sums up part of the struggle:

 

So, Sunday I woke up feeling anxious. I would have liked to do a short canyon, or even just head home, but I was talked into doing Waterslides. I’m glad I went because I met some wonderful people and really enjoyed the time I spent with Jason and Kristin. But this was not a good choice for me that day. 

Everything was a struggle. I just couldn’t get in the right headspace for this canyon. We did a lot of bushwhacking on the hike in, and I kept doing stupid things like grabbing a cactus for balance. (I am still tweezing needles out of my hands.) I picked a bad route up one part, and Louis had to throw me a rope. I told Jason there was a situation. “Erin, you ARE a situation,” he said.

After more than 3 hours of hiking, we arrived at the first slide. I hate these slides. I hate hate hate going underwater and not knowing when I’ll come back up. Maybe it’s because that’s exactly what a panic attack feels like for me? Who knows. At first, I thought I could handle the first one, which is the easiest of them all. But as I watched people go down it over and over, having so much fun, I lost my nerve. Kristin tried to give me a pep talk, but as soon as I started to cry, she just hugged me and told me I didn’t have to do anything I didn’t want to do. 

It was exactly the right thing to say. I have NEVER cried in a canyon (although I have definitely felt like it sometimes). I don’t think anyone else saw, but after that, I noticed there was no pressure on me to do the other slides. Jason was perceptive enough to know not to push me, and I noticed him keeping a close eye on me throughout the day. I bypassed the first two slides, and Kristin patiently rigged a rope for me to get down the last one.

I was so embarrassed... Who does Waterslides Canyon and skips all the slides? But I was even having trouble with some of the smaller drops that weren't a problem the last time I did it. 

The best thing about this canyon was definitely the people. Everyone in this group was exceptionally kind. If I had to have a terrible day in a canyon, I'm glad I  was with these guys. And now that I am feeling back to normal, I wish I could have another chance at Waterslides. My anxiety got the best of me yesterday, but I'm determined not to let it happen again and ruin a day in a canyon.