(This is really long. Sorry.)
When I was like, a freshman in high school, my friends used to tease me and call me a Cookie Monster because I ate cookies ALL the time. (This was kind of cute then because I wasn't overweight; now, it wouldn't be so funny. Also, this is how I got my email address. It hasn't changed in 13 years.) I even ate oatmeal cookies for breakfast and convinced myself it was healthy.
After all this time, my eating habits have not changed that much. This morning I grabbed a couple of fudge striped cookies on my way out the door for breakfast. I had a 100 calorie pack of chocolate covered pretzels at lunch (okay, I know those aren't cookies, but I usually do have cookies), and at dinner, I had 2 oatmeal raisin cookies from Subway for dessert. It occurred to me that that's a lot of freaking cookies. You would think that as I got older, things would have changed a little, but no. So my love of cookies will probably endure for the rest of my life.
But the point of this post isn't cookies. It's how things don't change. I think I mentioned at one point on this blog how, when I was a senior in high school and my life was so out of control, I wrote a journal entry about how things would be when I woke up. I wished it was all just a dream, and the journal entry pretty much described what my ideal life would be like. I looked at it last night, and it's kind of funny. My immaturity definitely shows. Here are parts of it:
"When I wake up from this dream I'm stuck in, I'll be in a little white house with lavender shutters (ew!) in Friendsville, Maryland. I'll be wearing Victoria's Secret lingerie (so not a fan of that anymore) and laying in a waterbed (those are so not conducive to, um, fun activities) with cool cotton sheets. It will be a bright sunny morning, and I'll get dressed in my favorite pair of Eeyore overalls. (Overalls? What was I thinking? But I still have a deep and abiding love for Eeyore.)
Then I'll go out in my front yard and work on my flower bed, which will contain beautiful flowers of all kinds. Because when I wake up, my flowers won't die. (This has still not changed. My orchids have been in foster care for a year now. I'm an unfit flower owner.)
While I'm working, two kids from my 3rd grade class will ride by on their bikes. "Hi, Miss B!" they'll call. And I'll invite them in for homemade chocolate chip cookies and lemonade.
After the kids leave, I'll walk to my best friend's house, who lives down the street and teaches at the same school as me. (Here I go off on a tangent about us going to the mall (ick) and having lunch at Olive Garden.) Then we hurry back to Friendsville, because I'll have a date with my fiance, who will be a fireman. I'll put on my size 3 little black dress and spritz on some Clinique Happy, because I WILL be happy."
So obviously, some things from that journal entry have changed as I've grown up. I no longer wear Clinique Happy (I'm all about the Pure Grace), I don't want to teach 3rd grade (I want to teach a middle or high school remedial reading class), and homemade cookies? Ha.
But this weekend I realized that, 10 years later, the basics of this dream for my life have not changed.
My dear college roommate, Paula, was in Iowa this weekend visiting her parents, so I went to see her. I LOVE going to Iowa. Her hometown is the quintessential small town. I met her in Dyersville (where Field of Dreams was filmed), and we went to the St. Patrick's Day Parade. So cute. Of course, it was nothing like the South Side Parade I'm used to, but it was just so fun. And as I watched a particularly hot fireman drive by, I was once again reminded of this dream I had for my future. 10 years later, I'm still longing to live in a small town.
It's completely illogical for so many reasons. How could I leave my friends? (I'm not worried about my parents; they'd probably come see me all the time if I lived in a small town.) I've built an amazing life here in the city; how could I leave it behind? It's not like I could come back and it would all just be waiting for me. And what about getting married? The guys my age in small towns are all married. I can't imagine actually meeting someone.
And then there are all the small things. Being a vegetarian in a rural area is probably not easy. What would I do without a Borders or Target nearby? Could I really handle a $10,000 paycut, even if the cost of living is cheaper? I would most likely be surrounded by conservatives who would consider me a liberal freak. All the hunting would bother me. Everyone would know your business, which in my case, could be really bad. And I went out to the small town bars in Iowa and was sooo uncomfortable (well, except for at Beaver's). Also, I hate driving at night in the country. I turn on my brights when I'm in the suburbs now; in the country, I am terrified of deer. And it is so dark! But it smells so good. And you can see stars. And everyone listens to country music.
So I am torn on this issue. It's not like I need to make a decision right now. I have to finish this degree program before I can go anywhere, so it would be another year before I'd move. Although in my current mood, I'd like to move tomorrow. I'm so ready for this school year to be over. Anyway, I'm pretty sure where I would move- Princeton, Illinois. I was there once in high school and absolutely fell in love with it. It's about an hour and a half from Naperville, so I wouldn't be too far from my family and the city. But everyone would think I was completely crazy. I'm thinking about driving out there this Saturday to check it out and see if it's what I remembered.
I know that the ideal that I want, a town like Mayberry, or Star's Hollow, or even the Plainfield that my parents grew up in, is not possible. But if I'm still longing for this after 10 years, don't I owe it to myself to try it?
When I was like, a freshman in high school, my friends used to tease me and call me a Cookie Monster because I ate cookies ALL the time. (This was kind of cute then because I wasn't overweight; now, it wouldn't be so funny. Also, this is how I got my email address. It hasn't changed in 13 years.) I even ate oatmeal cookies for breakfast and convinced myself it was healthy.
After all this time, my eating habits have not changed that much. This morning I grabbed a couple of fudge striped cookies on my way out the door for breakfast. I had a 100 calorie pack of chocolate covered pretzels at lunch (okay, I know those aren't cookies, but I usually do have cookies), and at dinner, I had 2 oatmeal raisin cookies from Subway for dessert. It occurred to me that that's a lot of freaking cookies. You would think that as I got older, things would have changed a little, but no. So my love of cookies will probably endure for the rest of my life.
But the point of this post isn't cookies. It's how things don't change. I think I mentioned at one point on this blog how, when I was a senior in high school and my life was so out of control, I wrote a journal entry about how things would be when I woke up. I wished it was all just a dream, and the journal entry pretty much described what my ideal life would be like. I looked at it last night, and it's kind of funny. My immaturity definitely shows. Here are parts of it:
"When I wake up from this dream I'm stuck in, I'll be in a little white house with lavender shutters (ew!) in Friendsville, Maryland. I'll be wearing Victoria's Secret lingerie (so not a fan of that anymore) and laying in a waterbed (those are so not conducive to, um, fun activities) with cool cotton sheets. It will be a bright sunny morning, and I'll get dressed in my favorite pair of Eeyore overalls. (Overalls? What was I thinking? But I still have a deep and abiding love for Eeyore.)
Then I'll go out in my front yard and work on my flower bed, which will contain beautiful flowers of all kinds. Because when I wake up, my flowers won't die. (This has still not changed. My orchids have been in foster care for a year now. I'm an unfit flower owner.)
While I'm working, two kids from my 3rd grade class will ride by on their bikes. "Hi, Miss B!" they'll call. And I'll invite them in for homemade chocolate chip cookies and lemonade.
After the kids leave, I'll walk to my best friend's house, who lives down the street and teaches at the same school as me. (Here I go off on a tangent about us going to the mall (ick) and having lunch at Olive Garden.) Then we hurry back to Friendsville, because I'll have a date with my fiance, who will be a fireman. I'll put on my size 3 little black dress and spritz on some Clinique Happy, because I WILL be happy."
So obviously, some things from that journal entry have changed as I've grown up. I no longer wear Clinique Happy (I'm all about the Pure Grace), I don't want to teach 3rd grade (I want to teach a middle or high school remedial reading class), and homemade cookies? Ha.
But this weekend I realized that, 10 years later, the basics of this dream for my life have not changed.
My dear college roommate, Paula, was in Iowa this weekend visiting her parents, so I went to see her. I LOVE going to Iowa. Her hometown is the quintessential small town. I met her in Dyersville (where Field of Dreams was filmed), and we went to the St. Patrick's Day Parade. So cute. Of course, it was nothing like the South Side Parade I'm used to, but it was just so fun. And as I watched a particularly hot fireman drive by, I was once again reminded of this dream I had for my future. 10 years later, I'm still longing to live in a small town.
It's completely illogical for so many reasons. How could I leave my friends? (I'm not worried about my parents; they'd probably come see me all the time if I lived in a small town.) I've built an amazing life here in the city; how could I leave it behind? It's not like I could come back and it would all just be waiting for me. And what about getting married? The guys my age in small towns are all married. I can't imagine actually meeting someone.
And then there are all the small things. Being a vegetarian in a rural area is probably not easy. What would I do without a Borders or Target nearby? Could I really handle a $10,000 paycut, even if the cost of living is cheaper? I would most likely be surrounded by conservatives who would consider me a liberal freak. All the hunting would bother me. Everyone would know your business, which in my case, could be really bad. And I went out to the small town bars in Iowa and was sooo uncomfortable (well, except for at Beaver's). Also, I hate driving at night in the country. I turn on my brights when I'm in the suburbs now; in the country, I am terrified of deer. And it is so dark! But it smells so good. And you can see stars. And everyone listens to country music.
So I am torn on this issue. It's not like I need to make a decision right now. I have to finish this degree program before I can go anywhere, so it would be another year before I'd move. Although in my current mood, I'd like to move tomorrow. I'm so ready for this school year to be over. Anyway, I'm pretty sure where I would move- Princeton, Illinois. I was there once in high school and absolutely fell in love with it. It's about an hour and a half from Naperville, so I wouldn't be too far from my family and the city. But everyone would think I was completely crazy. I'm thinking about driving out there this Saturday to check it out and see if it's what I remembered.
I know that the ideal that I want, a town like Mayberry, or Star's Hollow, or even the Plainfield that my parents grew up in, is not possible. But if I'm still longing for this after 10 years, don't I owe it to myself to try it?
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