My blog has mainly turned into a place for me to document my
adventures, but today I feel like writing about my love life. I figure I should
mention it at least occasionally, or else change the name of my blog. (Maybe I
should do that anyway, since no one really calls me Blueberry anymore…)
Bernie and I have been on and off for a year now. Whenever
we’re “off,” I feel the need to date someone else to prove that I can be happy
without him. I am always wrong. Every other date I go on just makes me wish I
was with him. But this post will not be about Bernie. This is about Darrell.
I met Darrell during an “off” phase with Bernie a few months ago. We met
online and had a slightly awkward first date at Cibo. I am shy in large groups,
but I usually do well with one-on-one conversations. This was not the case on
our date. We struggled to find things to talk about. However, he wanted to see
me again, and I believe it’s good to always give it a second date. (Unless, of
course, there are huge red flags. Like that one guy who loved hunting and
wanted to tell me, the vegetarian, about what it’s like to remove a deer’s
internal organs.)
Second date was the same. Not much to talk about. But when
he kissed me… GREAT chemistry. How could I give that up?
The tricky thing about Darrell is that he has two kids. This
in itself is not completely off-putting to me, but he has primary custody of
these children, resulting in him only being free on Mondays and Tuesdays. He
leaves work early every other day so they’re not in daycare after school, so
Mondays and Tuesdays become the days he has to work late. And his family lives
out of state, so babysitting is not readily available.
He is a good man. And a good father. And I have enjoyed spending time with him.
But he is not the man for me. It’s hard to date someone when
you can only see them once a week, if that. Not only that, but we are in
different stages of our lives. He is remodeling his home. He is looking for a
wife and a mother to his kids. He loves hearing my outdoorsy stories and says
he’d love to come with me, but when would that happen?
Also, the conversation is still somewhat forced. We have
nothing in common. For example, when he comes over, he takes off his gun and
sets it on the coffee table. Being from Chicago, my jaw hit the floor when that
happened for the first time. As my friend Meeghan would say, he’s a good man,
but he’s not MY man.
And of course, it doesn’t help that, when I’m with him, I just keep
thinking that I wish he was Bernie and feel like crying.
Things are tapering off with Darrell, which is fine. We've tried to make plans to see each other, and things keep coming up and getting in the way. He is texting less frequently, and I am okay with this just ending naturally.
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