Things I Love About Bernie

When I talk to friends I haven't talked to in a while, they want to know what's happening with Bernie. 

I don't know.

He doesn't know.

Some of my friends are wondering why it's so hard for me to just be done with him. Here is a list of things I love about Bernie:

• His love of terrible pop culture (He has a crush on Kelly Ripa.)

• His devotion to his family.

• His knowledge of the outdoors. I’ve never met anyone who knows so much. He can identify every plant, animal, rock formation, etc.

• He picks up trash we find when we’re hiking

• His Jeopardy skillz (Is he an idiot savant?)

• He takes his time and wants to see everything while traveling. (Ok, actually, this one makes me crazy. But it’s how we see the best stuff. Like when he found those petroglyphs. Or when he had me pull over and came back with a handful of raspberries right off the bush.)

• His artistic abilities. The way he created a little symbol for us when we’re adding to a place already filled with grafitti (A “B & B” with a saguaro and a Sears tower).

• His ability to make friends with anyone he meets

• His silliness. The way he makes things a game. The way he prank calls people and never answers the phone the same way.

• He dreams big. He always has some crazy scheme. One of my favorites involves Segways on the PCT…

• He cooks for me. And it gets on my nerves sometimes when we’re camping and he adds stuff to the recipe because he likes to experiment (my mac and cheese is just fine the way it is, thank you!), but it’s really sweet of him.

• He’s attracted to a girl’s personality first and her looks second.

• The day he discovered emojis and hasn’t stopped using them since.

• He doesn’t care about society’s expectations or what other people think.

• He loves watering his plants while wearing those ugly yellow Crocs he found at Zion. WHO WEARS RANDOM SHOES THAT THEY JUST HAPPEN TO FIND?

• He is very considerate. Like when I’m driving, and he flips down the sun visor or shifts into another gear for me or puts a Diet Coke in the freezer so it’s cold by the time I get there.

• He gives the best pep talks.

• No one knows more about the state of Arizona or has been to as many places in Arizona as him.

• He’s so unexpected. For example, I asked what his favorite winter Olympic sport was, sure that it would be snowboarding. And his answer was pairs ice dancing.

• The stuff he knows how to do: rock climbing, surfing, river guiding, canyoneering, backpacking… He’s done it all. And yet, he never makes me feel embarrassed or self-conscious about being a beginner at things.

• The way he treats his dogs like his kids.

• That time we were flipping through radio stations in Utah, and he stopped on Garrison Keillor and said, “I love this guy!”

• His obsession with Michael Kelsey and Everett Ruess.

• The way he can be just as happy searching for Elijah Averett’s grave as doing a big canyon. He’s not trying to be a badass, he’s just doing what he loves.

• He thinks his long blonde hair and beard are so attractive. I thought he looked like a creepy bum when I met him, but he thinks he is SO good looking. And underneath the crazy hair and beard, he does look pretty good.

(Bernie, Adam, me, and Kristin around the campfire on New Year's Eve last year- a few days after Bernie and I met. That beard was outta control!)

There is just one thing that's keeping us from working out. But it's a big thing. Big enough that I think I'm going to have to walk away from all these things that I love. 

The past year has been full of ups and downs. Sometimes I am hopeful, sometimes I am ready to give up. But I think we've gotten to a point where just too much has happened. I don't think he's going to change. And I'm not naive enough to think that I can change him. 

So, here's where I'm at with Bernie. I am head over heels for him, and if that one big thing changed, I'd be fully committed to him. In the meantime, I am living my life and loving my life. If I meet someone else I could be happy with, I'll pursue that. But I think it's going to take a while for me to get over Bernie. After reading that list, can you blame me? There is no one in the world like him.