I relapsed last week. I started talking to Bernie again.
I really was over him... And then I started feeling a little lonely. So, when he texted, I responded.
I knew it was just words. I knew he hadn't changed. I even felt a little guilty for using him.
He texted me late at night on the 3rd. I responded a little while later.
And his girlfriend texted me back.
She was actually really nice, especially after I sent her screenshots showing how he kept saying he was still in love with me, and I asked him if he was seeing anyone, and he insisted there hadn't been anyone since me. We compared notes, and it's kind of amazing how he has said the same things to each of us. Plus there's his ex he still talks to. And the girlfriend showed me another phone number and asked if I knew who it was.
So, at least four girls.
And you know, the funny thing is, I do believe he has genuine feelings for me. Someone needs to tell him that there's this thing called poly-amory, where you are HONEST about loving multiple women.
Anyway, I feel pretty stupid about the whole thing. This isn't about feeling sad about losing him (I'd already gotten over him), but feeling embarrassed and stupid for believing his lies. The whole thing makes me nauseous.
And so, I blocked his number yesterday. And then I went for a hike on the alpine tundra of Hellroaring Plateau, found this spot, and sang "Independence Day."
I made a video (after I'd sung the whole thing along with my iPod.) I think it was one of my best performances so far. (Not the video, but my original singing moment.) I declared my independence with that song, and I meant it.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?feature=em-upload_owner&v=wBNx25UO63A
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