I'm going to come clean here. I've been acting like I'm fine for a while, and I'm not. The only times I've been truly happy in the past few months have been my weekend with Kristin and my weekend in Kentucky.
The truth is, I hate my new job. And my coworkers hate me. Seriously. I have no friends at work.
The truth is, I'm questioning my abilities as a teacher and wondering if I'd be better off somewhere else. I'm wondering if I should even be teaching.
The truth is, I'm subsisting on a diet of Xanax, Diet Coke, and chocolate to make it through the day.
The truth is, I don't feel like seeing or talking to anyone. I just want to lay in bed and watch TV.
The truth is, I feel like my whole life is on hold while I'm living at my parents' house. I feel like I'm in high school again and have no life.
I've been trying to read my Bible and pray and focus on the good things (because life is never all bad) and spend time with people who make me happy. But those things aren't working when day after day I'm going to a job I hate where people are literally yelling at me and undermining me and trying to turn people against me and trying to prevent me from doing what's best for kids. It takes everything in me to get up and go to work in the morning.
I just listened to this Shane Hipps sermon where he talks about someone watching a really beautiful sunset, and that person stands there waiting and waiting for that sunset to happen again, when if they just turned around they could see an equally beautiful sunrise. I am trying. Oh my goodness, I am trying. But all my optimism is pretend. I'm a big believer in fake it till you make it. But I've been faking for months now.
If I'm not talking to you or keeping up with emails or hanging out, please don't take it personally. I just don't have the energy. Seriously, I just want to lay in bed and watch stupid, mindless TV. That's kind of all I'm capable of right now.
Sorry to sound whiny. But this is where I'm at.
The truth is, I hate my new job. And my coworkers hate me. Seriously. I have no friends at work.
The truth is, I'm questioning my abilities as a teacher and wondering if I'd be better off somewhere else. I'm wondering if I should even be teaching.
The truth is, I'm subsisting on a diet of Xanax, Diet Coke, and chocolate to make it through the day.
The truth is, I don't feel like seeing or talking to anyone. I just want to lay in bed and watch TV.
The truth is, I feel like my whole life is on hold while I'm living at my parents' house. I feel like I'm in high school again and have no life.
I've been trying to read my Bible and pray and focus on the good things (because life is never all bad) and spend time with people who make me happy. But those things aren't working when day after day I'm going to a job I hate where people are literally yelling at me and undermining me and trying to turn people against me and trying to prevent me from doing what's best for kids. It takes everything in me to get up and go to work in the morning.
I just listened to this Shane Hipps sermon where he talks about someone watching a really beautiful sunset, and that person stands there waiting and waiting for that sunset to happen again, when if they just turned around they could see an equally beautiful sunrise. I am trying. Oh my goodness, I am trying. But all my optimism is pretend. I'm a big believer in fake it till you make it. But I've been faking for months now.
If I'm not talking to you or keeping up with emails or hanging out, please don't take it personally. I just don't have the energy. Seriously, I just want to lay in bed and watch stupid, mindless TV. That's kind of all I'm capable of right now.
Sorry to sound whiny. But this is where I'm at.
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