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On the Road (Part 2)

I am almost halfway through "On the Road."

More things I am loving about this book:

"Soon it got dusk, a grapy dusk, a purple dusk over tangerine groves and long melon fields; the sun the color of pressed grapes, slashed with burgundy red, the fields the color of love and Spanish mysteries. I stuck my head out of the window and took deep breaths of the fragrant air. It was the most beautiful of all moments."
(This almost made Fresno sound appealing! That town had such a shady vibe. I stopped there in between Yosemite and King's Canyon and was happy to escape back into the mountains.)

"We give and take and go in the incredibly complicated sweetness zigzagging every side."

"Lucille would never understand me because I like too many things and get all confused and hung-up running from one falling star to another till I drop."

"What are you going to do with yourself, Ed?" I asked.
"I don't know," he said. "I just go along. I dig life."

That's how these characters live, and that's how I felt for eight weeks last summer. I can relate to this- no responsibilities, no agenda, a hedonistic, adventurous life. When we got to Zion and I had to fill out form for a permit, I couldn't remember my address. It was great. I had no job lined up at the end of the summer and stayed remarkably calm about it. I wasn't worried about anything; I was present in the moment. (Well, for the most part. It was pretty great, but I don't want to be too dishonest in my idealization of it.)

But I don't think I could maintain the lifestyle depicted in this book. I'm happy with the balance I've found. Teaching allows me to lose myself on the road each summer, to be whoever I want to be and do whatever I want. But then I come back, and I am on a data-driven mission to teach kids how to read. And in my teacher mindset, the level of irresponsibility in this book is mind-boggling. I cannot fathom running out of money and not having a plan for where your next meal will come from, or marrying a girl and leaving her in Tucson a few days later, or leaving a kid behind and barely giving him/her another thought. The rational side of me is screaming, "That is not okay!!"

But the part of me that does identify with this Beat Generation is counting down the days till spring break, when I will be On the Road.

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