I have anxiety issues. I have for about 6 years, since my first year teaching. My ex and I would talk on the phone every morning, and he would ask how I'd slept the night before. This is when I began to notice that it frequently took me two hours to fall asleep because I couldn't stop thinking. This escalated into panic attacks. I don't panic in a stressful situation. It's a slow process where I'm stressed out for a long time, and all of a sudden I'll be driving to Wal-Mart one day, perfectly happy, and all of a sudden I feel my chest getting tight and a few minutes later I'm gasping for breath. It's stupid and I hate it and all I can say is, thank God for Xanax.
I thought that moving would bring on multiple panic attacks because of the long-term stress involved in the situation- dealing with the movers, leaving my family and friends, starting a new job, figuring out a new city, etc.
But I'm fine.
And actually, I'm kind of freaked out that I'm NOT freaked out.
The movers came July 20 and my stuff still hasn't arrived. When I called the truck driver today, he was stuck in L.A. It's been day after day of promises and anticipation that my stuff will arrive the next day, and still, nothing. But I'm not even upset. Technically, the contract says they have till Friday. There's not much I can do before then, so why worry about it? I'm fine here at my apartment with Rachel's air mattress and my computer and some books.
I thought I would have a really hard time being away from my family and moving to a new city. Admittedly, it's only been a few weeks, and I didn't see them all the time anyway. And driving away from my parents was a lot harder than I thought it would be. But it really hasn't been a big deal. Ryan said that a year after leaving Pittsburgh, living in Chicago still doesn't feel real to him. And now I see what he means. I keep waiting to freak out about being so far away from home, but it's not even an issue. I'm settling into a routine here. I'm having so much fun exploring a new city and meeting new people. Yes, there are things about Phoenix that suck that make me miss Chicago, but no city is perfect.
I was worried about starting a new job- meeting new people, getting used to a new district and new population of students, etc. But for some reason, I haven't been nervous at all. I've been comfortable and confident and excited.
I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop. (Isn't that the saying?) Adjusting to a new place can't be this easy. When is it going to hit me? When am I going to have a panic attack about how far away my parents are, or get depressed about not knowing many people here, or feel shy and awkward and overwhelmed at meeting so many new coworkers?
It can't be this easy, can it?
I thought that moving would bring on multiple panic attacks because of the long-term stress involved in the situation- dealing with the movers, leaving my family and friends, starting a new job, figuring out a new city, etc.
But I'm fine.
And actually, I'm kind of freaked out that I'm NOT freaked out.
The movers came July 20 and my stuff still hasn't arrived. When I called the truck driver today, he was stuck in L.A. It's been day after day of promises and anticipation that my stuff will arrive the next day, and still, nothing. But I'm not even upset. Technically, the contract says they have till Friday. There's not much I can do before then, so why worry about it? I'm fine here at my apartment with Rachel's air mattress and my computer and some books.
I thought I would have a really hard time being away from my family and moving to a new city. Admittedly, it's only been a few weeks, and I didn't see them all the time anyway. And driving away from my parents was a lot harder than I thought it would be. But it really hasn't been a big deal. Ryan said that a year after leaving Pittsburgh, living in Chicago still doesn't feel real to him. And now I see what he means. I keep waiting to freak out about being so far away from home, but it's not even an issue. I'm settling into a routine here. I'm having so much fun exploring a new city and meeting new people. Yes, there are things about Phoenix that suck that make me miss Chicago, but no city is perfect.
I was worried about starting a new job- meeting new people, getting used to a new district and new population of students, etc. But for some reason, I haven't been nervous at all. I've been comfortable and confident and excited.
I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop. (Isn't that the saying?) Adjusting to a new place can't be this easy. When is it going to hit me? When am I going to have a panic attack about how far away my parents are, or get depressed about not knowing many people here, or feel shy and awkward and overwhelmed at meeting so many new coworkers?
It can't be this easy, can it?
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