Liz and I went rock climbing this morning and out to lunch afterwards. She asked about the guy I was hanging out with before my trip, and I told her things aren't going to work out there, which makes me sad. I liked him a lot, for so many reasons, but he's not interested in dating. (I'm hoping we'll at least end up friends, because he is pretty f-ing awesome.) We talked about how she and her husband met (on Chemistry.com) and how I've been thinking I should make an effort to date more. I'm bad about actually trying to meet men. I've always got 5 million things going on, and I justify it with the "you'll find someone when you're not actually looking" rationale. But Liz and Tom are so perfect for each other and happy together, she's inspired me to give it a try.
When Tom went through his divorce, someone advised him to make a list of traits he wanted in a girlfriend. Liz said he had something like 30 items on his list, and the only one she didn't match was "likes coffee and/or beer." Crazy how those two were just meant to be.
I made a list years ago, after TJ and I broke up in college. I shared it with Nina who said, "Um, no, you need to tear this up... "Doesn't sell lots of drugs?" That's your standard? "Doesn't grab my ass in public?" This is just a list of things you hated about TJ. Start over."
Personally, I liked my list.
Today, Liz urged me to make another list. I thought it would be quick; I thought 30 must-haves seemed a little excessive. But surprisingly, once I started writing, I kept thinking of more items. So, here is my list of what I am looking for in a man. Oh, and this is not in any kind of order.
1. Fun
2. Spontaneous
3. Athletic (I've been running 5 days a week, rock climbing once a week, and now I'm going to try to throw a weekly yoga class into the mix, too. Oh, and I'm playing tennis this week, too. And of course, there's the hiking.)
4. Can hold his own in the city and the country
5. Not sure what the right euphemism is for this, but there has to be chemistry. We need to be compatible.
6. Responsible (I once had a psychic advise me to "never be a mother to your lover")
7. Competent/handy (He can fix little things around the house, change a tire, etc.)
8. Good looking
9. Believes in God (This is a complicated one. I don't need a guy who goes to church every Sunday or is super religious. In fact, I tend to not get along with those guys. Non-practicing or agnostic is fine. But I might have trouble with an atheist (just because it seems so hopeless to me), or someone of a totally different faith, like a Hindu. Because someday, when I have kids, I do want to take them to church.)
10. Has a career/ambitions (Doesn't have to make a lot of money)
11. Strong (not so much physically, although that is nice, but emotionally)
12. Stable
13. Patient (Actually, this one is really important to me. If I were ranking, this would be near the top. As I get older, I realize that is a trait I really value in people. It says a lot about your character. Also, I can be a huge pain in the ass and need someone who can be patient with me.)
14. Independent (I need someone to not be texting me 9 million times a day, someone who has separate interests and is okay with us spending time apart.)
15. Adventurous/willing to try new things
16. Doesn't have cats or dogs (I have allergies. Although I think I can handle certain kinds of dogs.)
17. Doesn't grab my ass in public (I hated it 10 years ago and I still hate it today! That stays on the list!)
18. Likes sweets (Maybe this is getting too picky, but when I hear people say they don't like sweets, I think, "What is wrong with you??" I still remember when Pete's grandpa died a few years ago, and I made him cookies, and he was like, "I don't really eat sweets." I was pissed. Like, "I am trying to comfort you in your time of need, a-hole. Eat a mother f-ing cookie!" Baking for people makes me happy. It would be nice to date someone who appreciates that.)
19. Is kind to old people, children, and animals
20. Likes football (He has to understand why, during football season, that consumes my entire Sunday. And Monday night. And sometimes Thursdays.)
21. Has integrity
22. Isn't drunk all the time
23. Is a gentleman (drops me off by the door if it's raining, etc.)
I feel like I have pretty much described the perfect guy. Am I forgetting anything? Am I being unrealistic?
When Tom went through his divorce, someone advised him to make a list of traits he wanted in a girlfriend. Liz said he had something like 30 items on his list, and the only one she didn't match was "likes coffee and/or beer." Crazy how those two were just meant to be.
I made a list years ago, after TJ and I broke up in college. I shared it with Nina who said, "Um, no, you need to tear this up... "Doesn't sell lots of drugs?" That's your standard? "Doesn't grab my ass in public?" This is just a list of things you hated about TJ. Start over."
Personally, I liked my list.
Today, Liz urged me to make another list. I thought it would be quick; I thought 30 must-haves seemed a little excessive. But surprisingly, once I started writing, I kept thinking of more items. So, here is my list of what I am looking for in a man. Oh, and this is not in any kind of order.
1. Fun
2. Spontaneous
3. Athletic (I've been running 5 days a week, rock climbing once a week, and now I'm going to try to throw a weekly yoga class into the mix, too. Oh, and I'm playing tennis this week, too. And of course, there's the hiking.)
4. Can hold his own in the city and the country
5. Not sure what the right euphemism is for this, but there has to be chemistry. We need to be compatible.
6. Responsible (I once had a psychic advise me to "never be a mother to your lover")
7. Competent/handy (He can fix little things around the house, change a tire, etc.)
8. Good looking
9. Believes in God (This is a complicated one. I don't need a guy who goes to church every Sunday or is super religious. In fact, I tend to not get along with those guys. Non-practicing or agnostic is fine. But I might have trouble with an atheist (just because it seems so hopeless to me), or someone of a totally different faith, like a Hindu. Because someday, when I have kids, I do want to take them to church.)
10. Has a career/ambitions (Doesn't have to make a lot of money)
11. Strong (not so much physically, although that is nice, but emotionally)
12. Stable
13. Patient (Actually, this one is really important to me. If I were ranking, this would be near the top. As I get older, I realize that is a trait I really value in people. It says a lot about your character. Also, I can be a huge pain in the ass and need someone who can be patient with me.)
14. Independent (I need someone to not be texting me 9 million times a day, someone who has separate interests and is okay with us spending time apart.)
15. Adventurous/willing to try new things
16. Doesn't have cats or dogs (I have allergies. Although I think I can handle certain kinds of dogs.)
17. Doesn't grab my ass in public (I hated it 10 years ago and I still hate it today! That stays on the list!)
18. Likes sweets (Maybe this is getting too picky, but when I hear people say they don't like sweets, I think, "What is wrong with you??" I still remember when Pete's grandpa died a few years ago, and I made him cookies, and he was like, "I don't really eat sweets." I was pissed. Like, "I am trying to comfort you in your time of need, a-hole. Eat a mother f-ing cookie!" Baking for people makes me happy. It would be nice to date someone who appreciates that.)
19. Is kind to old people, children, and animals
20. Likes football (He has to understand why, during football season, that consumes my entire Sunday. And Monday night. And sometimes Thursdays.)
21. Has integrity
22. Isn't drunk all the time
23. Is a gentleman (drops me off by the door if it's raining, etc.)
I feel like I have pretty much described the perfect guy. Am I forgetting anything? Am I being unrealistic?
Comments
ha.
good list, but know that there isn't the perfect guy out there and don't have your list be too long! you may scare away some gems!
instead, really take 5 things or less you TRULY cannot live without and go from there.
love,
fancy