I've had some questions about Bernie, the guy I mentioned in my last post. The best was Nancy, who said, " I'm a reading teacher. I know how to make an inference. What's up with this guy you met at FreezeFest???" This question was followed by a 1.5 hour phone conversation. (Not all about the boy. There was lots of running and teaching talk, too. Random side note- I've realized recently that most of my thoughts revolve around four topics- running, teaching, canyoneering, and guys. Nancy and I can talk about 3 out of 4 of those. When we start talking, it's hard to stop.)
So anyway, here's what's up with Bernie. Actually... I don't know what's up. What I do know is that we've been talking/texting every day. He says sweet things. He says he's coming to see me (but he doesn't say when). But I don't know if I should take these things seriously... I know he's sincere. But the life he leads... He's always traveling from place to place, adventuring. He meets a lot of people. Perfect example- at FreezeFest, this guy came up to him and was like, "Hey, I think I know you... Don't you have a wiener dog?"
"Yeah..." No recognition on Bernie's face.
"Remember, we hung out in Escalante? We drove all the way down Hole-in-the-Rock Road together?" (This is a 50 mile dirt road; it takes hours to make this drive.)
Blank look.
"We climbed down to Lake Powell when we got to the end?"
Bernie is shaking his head helplessly.
"Dude, we spent the whole day together!"
You can tell Bernie feels terrible. Jason and I, who have been exchanging looks this whole time, burst out laughing.
After some more prompting, Bernie finally remembers the guy. But the point is, Bernie meets a lot of people. So I think he likes me, but I'm in Chicago, and he's in Phoenix. In the next few months, I will be going to work, Bible study, and choir practice, and training for a half marathon. Bernie will be rock climbing at Joshua Tree and Death Valley. His life is a million times more glamorous than mine. I think he will forget about me quickly.
Talking to him has made me give careful thought to the future. He asked some tough questions. Given the opportunity, would I quit my job and live a life of adventure? After much consideration, the answer is yes. Heck yes.
However, I couldn't do it forever. 5 years, maybe, and then I'd miss being in the classroom and want to go back to teaching. I do love my career. But right now, I have itchy feet. All I want to do is hike and seek beauty and sleep under the stars and meet new people and see new things.
Anyway, I digress, because this isn't even an option right now. I mean, Bernie says things like, "Hey, let's go backpacking in Hawaii," but I don't know him well enough to know how serious he is. If I have learned anything in all these years of dating, it's that actions speak louder than words. Unfortunately, I'm a sucker for sweet talk, which is how I've gotten involved in so many unhealthy relationships. But I've learned that there need to be actions to back up that talk.
I've given this a lot of thought and I have a plan. I need to not get too emotionally involved at this point. I tend to approach most things in life with exuberance, throwing myself into things that are new and exciting. I need to NOT do that unless I know he is serious. So, step one is calm down!!
Step two is see if he comes to Chicago. If he doesn't, that's all right. Worst case scenario is that I've made a new friend, and when I'm out adventuring this summer I could text him and be like, "Hey, wanna climb Mt. Whitney with me?" and he'd be like, "Hell yeah!" and we'd have a blast. But if he doesn't come to Chicago, I'll know he's not serious about me.
Step three is find out if we actually like each other! If he came to visit, we'd get to know each other a lot faster. All of our time spent together was on vacation. Granted, it wasn't exactly a luxury vacation, and Bernie has seen me sick and tired and emotional and bitchy. But still, what if there are things in every day life that we just can't stand about each other? And Bernie liked me out in the desert, but my daily life is pretty mundane. How would he fit into that? He'd probably be bored out of his mind...
So, at this point I need to just be patient and see how this plays out, which is frustrating. The situation is out of my control. I don't like that. But I guess I'll learn from this in one way or another.
In the meantime, I am going to keep living my life. Staying busy will distract me. Of course, every time I get a text, my stomach flip flops and I hope it's him...
I am anxious to see how this will play out.
So anyway, here's what's up with Bernie. Actually... I don't know what's up. What I do know is that we've been talking/texting every day. He says sweet things. He says he's coming to see me (but he doesn't say when). But I don't know if I should take these things seriously... I know he's sincere. But the life he leads... He's always traveling from place to place, adventuring. He meets a lot of people. Perfect example- at FreezeFest, this guy came up to him and was like, "Hey, I think I know you... Don't you have a wiener dog?"
"Yeah..." No recognition on Bernie's face.
"Remember, we hung out in Escalante? We drove all the way down Hole-in-the-Rock Road together?" (This is a 50 mile dirt road; it takes hours to make this drive.)
Blank look.
"We climbed down to Lake Powell when we got to the end?"
Bernie is shaking his head helplessly.
"Dude, we spent the whole day together!"
You can tell Bernie feels terrible. Jason and I, who have been exchanging looks this whole time, burst out laughing.
After some more prompting, Bernie finally remembers the guy. But the point is, Bernie meets a lot of people. So I think he likes me, but I'm in Chicago, and he's in Phoenix. In the next few months, I will be going to work, Bible study, and choir practice, and training for a half marathon. Bernie will be rock climbing at Joshua Tree and Death Valley. His life is a million times more glamorous than mine. I think he will forget about me quickly.
Talking to him has made me give careful thought to the future. He asked some tough questions. Given the opportunity, would I quit my job and live a life of adventure? After much consideration, the answer is yes. Heck yes.
However, I couldn't do it forever. 5 years, maybe, and then I'd miss being in the classroom and want to go back to teaching. I do love my career. But right now, I have itchy feet. All I want to do is hike and seek beauty and sleep under the stars and meet new people and see new things.
Anyway, I digress, because this isn't even an option right now. I mean, Bernie says things like, "Hey, let's go backpacking in Hawaii," but I don't know him well enough to know how serious he is. If I have learned anything in all these years of dating, it's that actions speak louder than words. Unfortunately, I'm a sucker for sweet talk, which is how I've gotten involved in so many unhealthy relationships. But I've learned that there need to be actions to back up that talk.
I've given this a lot of thought and I have a plan. I need to not get too emotionally involved at this point. I tend to approach most things in life with exuberance, throwing myself into things that are new and exciting. I need to NOT do that unless I know he is serious. So, step one is calm down!!
Step two is see if he comes to Chicago. If he doesn't, that's all right. Worst case scenario is that I've made a new friend, and when I'm out adventuring this summer I could text him and be like, "Hey, wanna climb Mt. Whitney with me?" and he'd be like, "Hell yeah!" and we'd have a blast. But if he doesn't come to Chicago, I'll know he's not serious about me.
Step three is find out if we actually like each other! If he came to visit, we'd get to know each other a lot faster. All of our time spent together was on vacation. Granted, it wasn't exactly a luxury vacation, and Bernie has seen me sick and tired and emotional and bitchy. But still, what if there are things in every day life that we just can't stand about each other? And Bernie liked me out in the desert, but my daily life is pretty mundane. How would he fit into that? He'd probably be bored out of his mind...
So, at this point I need to just be patient and see how this plays out, which is frustrating. The situation is out of my control. I don't like that. But I guess I'll learn from this in one way or another.
In the meantime, I am going to keep living my life. Staying busy will distract me. Of course, every time I get a text, my stomach flip flops and I hope it's him...
I am anxious to see how this will play out.
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