Kristin is hungover. Jason's knee hurts. I am trying to function on 2 hours of sleep. A canyon does not sound appealing.
We did the tourist thing instead. We went back to Little Egypt, the playground of hoodoos. We saw the bicycle seat and Kristin's balls and Jason's recliner. Jason and Bernie did some bouldering and had fun finding different routes up the rocks. Then we drove out to Burr Point to see what it looked like in the winter. The view was breathtaking, and we just hung out for a while, enjoying the beauty. The drive on the dirt road in and out was also eventful; it was snowy, so of course Jason was doing donuts and skidding sideways down the road. I attempted a few of those moves in my Subaru, but it stubbornly remained on course, braking efficiently and refusing to skid. I definitely feel safe driving it in the snow!
Things got a little more eventful around the campfire that night. I was sitting by this wonderful lady named Jenny and this girl Stephanie. Stephanie innocently commented out of the blue that there's not enough mooning these days, and Jenny insisted that we do something about that problem. So the three of us ladies mooned about 30 people around the campfire. (Jason was pissed because now he'd missed the motorboating AND the mooning.)
Then, Tom Jones showed up. Tom Jones literally wrote the book on canyoneering at Zion. I whispered to Jenny, "Oh my gosh, is that TOM JONES? It's like there's a celebrity here!" She burst out laughing because apparently they're really close friends. She decided that I was "sweet" and "adorable" and I would be a good match for him. (Never mind that he's old enough to be my father!) So, a little while later, I was invited to do a "secret" canyon with their group.
I was FLATTERED. I asked about difficulty, and they thought I could handle it. I warned them I am super slow and awkward, and they insisted it was fine. They told me to bring a wetsuit for a pool near the end of the canyon and meet them at 7:30 the next morning.
Kristin and I stayed in a hotel that night, and I was freaking out the whole time. I was worried that I'd be so out of my league. And then I read the beta and knew I was screwed. When it comes to downclimbs, I like the tight ones, where you kind of wedge your whole body in there and just use friction to get you down. But when it's exposed and you have to slide, this is where I freak out
and end up on Adam's shoulders. The beta for this canyon described a 15 foot slide into a chest deep pothole. Now, that is something I could probably do under different circumstances. For example, in the summer with Jason and Kristin shouting encouragements at me. (Or perhaps with Kristin just shoving me, like she did in Waterslides.) But I had no idea what this group would be like. In fact, Jenny told me that one of the guys yells a lot and it doesn't feel like an authentic canyon experience unless he makes her cry. I could just picture it- him yelling, me crying... And Kristin said, "Can you imagine if you came back to camp and had been crying? Jason and Bernie might actually start a fight." Very true.
The clincher was when I went to meet Stephanie and her husband in the morning. They'd decided not to go. Out of the whole group, they were the ones I felt most comfortable with (besides Jenny). So at that point, I decided I was out. They looked disappointed when I told them, and I felt truly awful, but I said I thought it was just beyond my ability. And Jenny said there'd be other canyons, so it seemed like she wasn't mad at me. I really would like to do a canyon with her in the future!
So Kristin, Adam, and Marie left early to do one of the Dante canyons, Purgatory, and I stayed behind to do something dry with Jason and Bernie.
*All photos courtesy of the amazing Jason Marshall at inthecanyons.com
We did the tourist thing instead. We went back to Little Egypt, the playground of hoodoos. We saw the bicycle seat and Kristin's balls and Jason's recliner. Jason and Bernie did some bouldering and had fun finding different routes up the rocks. Then we drove out to Burr Point to see what it looked like in the winter. The view was breathtaking, and we just hung out for a while, enjoying the beauty. The drive on the dirt road in and out was also eventful; it was snowy, so of course Jason was doing donuts and skidding sideways down the road. I attempted a few of those moves in my Subaru, but it stubbornly remained on course, braking efficiently and refusing to skid. I definitely feel safe driving it in the snow!
Things got a little more eventful around the campfire that night. I was sitting by this wonderful lady named Jenny and this girl Stephanie. Stephanie innocently commented out of the blue that there's not enough mooning these days, and Jenny insisted that we do something about that problem. So the three of us ladies mooned about 30 people around the campfire. (Jason was pissed because now he'd missed the motorboating AND the mooning.)
Then, Tom Jones showed up. Tom Jones literally wrote the book on canyoneering at Zion. I whispered to Jenny, "Oh my gosh, is that TOM JONES? It's like there's a celebrity here!" She burst out laughing because apparently they're really close friends. She decided that I was "sweet" and "adorable" and I would be a good match for him. (Never mind that he's old enough to be my father!) So, a little while later, I was invited to do a "secret" canyon with their group.
I was FLATTERED. I asked about difficulty, and they thought I could handle it. I warned them I am super slow and awkward, and they insisted it was fine. They told me to bring a wetsuit for a pool near the end of the canyon and meet them at 7:30 the next morning.
Kristin and I stayed in a hotel that night, and I was freaking out the whole time. I was worried that I'd be so out of my league. And then I read the beta and knew I was screwed. When it comes to downclimbs, I like the tight ones, where you kind of wedge your whole body in there and just use friction to get you down. But when it's exposed and you have to slide, this is where I freak out
and end up on Adam's shoulders. The beta for this canyon described a 15 foot slide into a chest deep pothole. Now, that is something I could probably do under different circumstances. For example, in the summer with Jason and Kristin shouting encouragements at me. (Or perhaps with Kristin just shoving me, like she did in Waterslides.) But I had no idea what this group would be like. In fact, Jenny told me that one of the guys yells a lot and it doesn't feel like an authentic canyon experience unless he makes her cry. I could just picture it- him yelling, me crying... And Kristin said, "Can you imagine if you came back to camp and had been crying? Jason and Bernie might actually start a fight." Very true.
The clincher was when I went to meet Stephanie and her husband in the morning. They'd decided not to go. Out of the whole group, they were the ones I felt most comfortable with (besides Jenny). So at that point, I decided I was out. They looked disappointed when I told them, and I felt truly awful, but I said I thought it was just beyond my ability. And Jenny said there'd be other canyons, so it seemed like she wasn't mad at me. I really would like to do a canyon with her in the future!
So Kristin, Adam, and Marie left early to do one of the Dante canyons, Purgatory, and I stayed behind to do something dry with Jason and Bernie.
*All photos courtesy of the amazing Jason Marshall at inthecanyons.com
Comments