Uncle Roy and Cousin Beth

Saturday was pretty much the whole reason for this trip- visiting my mom's Uncle Roy and her cousin, Beth! I love these people. They are so inspiring and just make you want to be a better person. I could listen to them talk for hours. Beth has been really into Buddhism, and she shared some teachings that were really helpful. One was something called the second arrow. When something bad happens to us, that is the first arrow we are shot with. But then for some reason, we keep shooting ourselves with more arrows. For example, several weeks ago, Kris and I had a talk and decided to end things. And that was so painful. But then, I kept making up stories in my head that make it worse: It's because I'm not good enough. I'm boring. I'm too pushy. I'm not pretty.

I've talked to a few other people who have been through breakups recently, and they said they think the same things. Why do we do this to ourselves? Why do we take something that already sucks and make up a narrative that makes it suck even more?? Anyway, it's something to work on.

(Mom and Beth are both obsessed with quilting and had a blast sharing their work with each other.)

Uncle Roy also shared some amazing stories. He is a retired pastor, and when I told him I attended a Mennonite church in Phoenix, he said that they're the only ones who got the New Testament right. (Well, Mennonites along with other anabaptists and Third Way folks.) This led to the topic of pacifism. When Beth was a kid, during Vietnam, she walked out into her garage and stumbled upon a very disturbing scene. Several men were gathered around her dad, who had a turniquet around his arm. Someone had cut him with a knife, and there was lots of blood. He literally yelled at her to get out of there, which scared Beth because he rarely raised his voice. She never asked questions about it and tried to put it out of her mind.

Years later, Uncle Roy explained. One of his friends was collecting blood. The guy broke into an army recruiting office and splattered blood all over the draft papers to protest the war.

Since he was a pastor, Uncle Roy was frequently called on to counsel young men being drafted. And he always advised them to love their neighbor and pray for their enemies. Many parents called him, enraged that he had talked their kids into not fighting, but he just did not believe in the concept of a just war. (He even explained the whole history of this to us, going back to Constantine.) He is pretty sure the FBI has a file on him; they kept track of anyone who was trying to keep men from fighting. I told him he is such a badass!

One more quick story- in 1956, he and Mary Jane sponsored a family of Austrian refugees. The dad had fought for the German army in WWII. I think this would be the modern day equivalent of sponsoring Syrian refugees. I'm sure it was quite controversial. But he spoke of how it changed all of their lives, and how they remain friends to this day. My uncle is a living example of pacifism and radical hospitality, two important teachings of the Mennonite church.

Oh, and here is the view from his living room. He lives just south of Santa Cruz on a cliff by the ocean.

Compared to our time with family, the rest of the day was really not that exciting. Everyone really wanted to see Carmel, and I remember thinking it was oh so glamorous when Uncle Roy took me there years ago. This time, I was not as impressed! But the buildings are still super cute, and I got a few nice things for my apartment, like a wall hanging with a constellation chart.